Thank you Tammy for that birthday scripture. Makes me feel better about turning 53! I had a relaxing day, listening to the "Happy Birthday" song from my Grandsons, Nate, Eli, and Sam in Brownsville. Then from my Grandaughters, Ari, and Addy. Beautiful kiddos! You are the best.
My birthday request was to go see Clint Eastwood's new movie "Gran Tourino". It was, in my opinion, Eastwood at his best ever. This is a great movie about a very RED character...Walter...who learns a lot about life and relationships. It was worth wading through the vulgar language to get to the plot and the worthwhile message of the film. Really enjoyed it. I laughed and cheered and cried. Guess he got me. The guy is good!
Now for a little Color Code lesson from a recent training. Thank you to those who attended and the part you all played in making this training so special. Here is just one of several aha moments we had as we shared back and forth about Motive and relationships.
Attention Whites and Blues:
An interesting question came from a “White” wife regarding her “Blue” husband.
“I honestly try to be a good listener. But why does he just go on and on and on? And then, it seems like he gets more angry the longer he goes. What is the problem? What more can I do?
The answer came from across the room, from another “white”. He is in his teens and has that great, white clarity. He said, “Sometimes I have this funny, blank look on my face when my blue Mom is talking to me. I think she goes on and on because she doesn’t think I am getting what she is saying. I am, but apparently I don’t show it, so she just keeps talking.”
“Aha” - moment!!!
When communicating with blues, whites must remind themselves that the subject is usually “feelings”. Because you whites operate from a highly logical perspective, you must stretch on out there to not only connect with the emotion, but demonstrate that you do. Some evidence that you are “getting it” will be helpful to the blue. It may mean nodding your head, or maybe even a warm embrace. Help the blue “feel” understood. It is “air” to them.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAN!
Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?
Job 12:12
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Let us turn TO each other and stop turning on each other!
Motive matters in relationships of all kinds.
By Van Benson
In his life-changing book, “The People Code”, Dr. Taylor Hartman offers a fresh method for analyzing and identifying your own innate personality, as well as that of others.
James F. Hennig, Ph.D, who has studied behavior style for more than three decades, says, “I believe The People Code (Color Code system of Motive) stands head and shoulders above the others, and provides greater clarity and understanding than any program I’ve ever been exposed to”.
Motive Matters is a training and consulting company that teaches people about people. We do so with executive, management, and production teams in the world of business, and in faith based organizations, with emphasis on marriage, family, and professional relationships.
Everyone is primarily motivated, at the core of their innate personality, by power (RED), intimacy (BLUE), peace (WHITE), or fun (YELLOW). Most of us represent a blend of the four colors. Our particular blend, when mixed with our unique life history, make us all.. one of a kind. One of our seminar attendees, Karolyn, wrote to me, “Color Code is not meant to confine or confuse, but to explain and enhance our understanding of ourselves and each other”. Well said!
When you understand the concept of Driving Core Motive, you can begin to adjust to the different way others see life. As Tim LaHaye wrote in Transforming Your Temperament, “Many a marriage battleground is transformed into a neutrality zone when two individuals learn to appreciate their partners temperament”. Motive training goes much deeper than mere behavior, and offers even further clarity on what Dr. John Gottman refers to as “Perpetual Problems”. The truth is, married couples and business associates often have conflict over the SAME things, over and over and over. Sixty nine percent of these perpetual problem conflicts have to do with our personality differences in perspective. Learning to take the other persons perspective is a key skill of emotional intelligence.
All the relationships of your life will be enhanced when you understand “The Why” behind the perspective and the behavior.
Then, and only then, will you be able to begin the process of “adjusting” your style of inter-acting, and communicating with someone who sees life different than you do, and more than likely speaks a different “color language” than you do.
Remember, the REDS and the WHITES take the perspective of logic. BLUES and YELLOWS are more emotional. REDS and BLUES are more comfortable when they feel a sense of control, while WHITES and YELLOWS are more comfortable when they are NOT being controlled.
It is not a question of who is better, or who is right or wrong. We are just different. None of us is smarter than all of us. We need each other.
So, let’s get started declaring a truce in the battleground of relationships, and, as was stated in the benediction of our recent Presidential Inauguration, “Let us turn TO each other, and stop turning ON each other”!
By Van Benson
In his life-changing book, “The People Code”, Dr. Taylor Hartman offers a fresh method for analyzing and identifying your own innate personality, as well as that of others.
James F. Hennig, Ph.D, who has studied behavior style for more than three decades, says, “I believe The People Code (Color Code system of Motive) stands head and shoulders above the others, and provides greater clarity and understanding than any program I’ve ever been exposed to”.
Motive Matters is a training and consulting company that teaches people about people. We do so with executive, management, and production teams in the world of business, and in faith based organizations, with emphasis on marriage, family, and professional relationships.
Everyone is primarily motivated, at the core of their innate personality, by power (RED), intimacy (BLUE), peace (WHITE), or fun (YELLOW). Most of us represent a blend of the four colors. Our particular blend, when mixed with our unique life history, make us all.. one of a kind. One of our seminar attendees, Karolyn, wrote to me, “Color Code is not meant to confine or confuse, but to explain and enhance our understanding of ourselves and each other”. Well said!
When you understand the concept of Driving Core Motive, you can begin to adjust to the different way others see life. As Tim LaHaye wrote in Transforming Your Temperament, “Many a marriage battleground is transformed into a neutrality zone when two individuals learn to appreciate their partners temperament”. Motive training goes much deeper than mere behavior, and offers even further clarity on what Dr. John Gottman refers to as “Perpetual Problems”. The truth is, married couples and business associates often have conflict over the SAME things, over and over and over. Sixty nine percent of these perpetual problem conflicts have to do with our personality differences in perspective. Learning to take the other persons perspective is a key skill of emotional intelligence.
All the relationships of your life will be enhanced when you understand “The Why” behind the perspective and the behavior.
Then, and only then, will you be able to begin the process of “adjusting” your style of inter-acting, and communicating with someone who sees life different than you do, and more than likely speaks a different “color language” than you do.
Remember, the REDS and the WHITES take the perspective of logic. BLUES and YELLOWS are more emotional. REDS and BLUES are more comfortable when they feel a sense of control, while WHITES and YELLOWS are more comfortable when they are NOT being controlled.
It is not a question of who is better, or who is right or wrong. We are just different. None of us is smarter than all of us. We need each other.
So, let’s get started declaring a truce in the battleground of relationships, and, as was stated in the benediction of our recent Presidential Inauguration, “Let us turn TO each other, and stop turning ON each other”!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
OPEN MOTIVE TRAINING SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Location - Joplin Board of Realtors conference room located at 7th and Florida. Parking in rear of white buiding. Cost is $10 per person. Native Americans admission is free. This training is funded by a grant obtained by The Miami Tribe of Oklahoma. We appreciate Chief Gamble and the support he and so many others at the Tribe are giving to help marriages and families stay together. Training fun begins at 4:00 P.M. and will conclude at 8:00 P.M. All are welcome. Bring a friend! Call 417-540-5166 for details.
Take your free Color Code test at www.motivematters.com.
Take your free Color Code test at www.motivematters.com.
Red Daughter, Blue Mother - conflict
Knowing motive matters helps solve conflicts and reduces recovery time from mis-communications
Red daughter had just completed printing a stack of documents. Blue Mom picked one of the papers up to inspect it. When she put it down Red daughter noticed a smudge from a fingerprint and tactlessly asserted in Red form, "Mom! I can't believe you got stuff all over it! Blue Mom said, "Well, I didn't do it on purpose! "I'll just print it over again", growed Red. "I am very sorry, but don't talk to me that way!", was Blues reply.
Thirty minutes later Blue Mom went up behind Red daughter sitting at the computer and printer and said, "I want to share something with you, you will find interesting. Are you still thinking about the fight we had 30 minutes ago? "
"Are you kidding me?" "What fight?" "Don't tell me you are...
"Yes, I am....... still thinking about it." Blue Mom has an "aha" moment and says, "I am so thankful to know we are just different!"
They both laughed, let it go, and had a great afternoon.
Motive does matter in relationships. Understanding how we see life different helps us be more gentle and forgiving of one another.
Red daughter had just completed printing a stack of documents. Blue Mom picked one of the papers up to inspect it. When she put it down Red daughter noticed a smudge from a fingerprint and tactlessly asserted in Red form, "Mom! I can't believe you got stuff all over it! Blue Mom said, "Well, I didn't do it on purpose! "I'll just print it over again", growed Red. "I am very sorry, but don't talk to me that way!", was Blues reply.
Thirty minutes later Blue Mom went up behind Red daughter sitting at the computer and printer and said, "I want to share something with you, you will find interesting. Are you still thinking about the fight we had 30 minutes ago? "
"Are you kidding me?" "What fight?" "Don't tell me you are...
"Yes, I am....... still thinking about it." Blue Mom has an "aha" moment and says, "I am so thankful to know we are just different!"
They both laughed, let it go, and had a great afternoon.
Motive does matter in relationships. Understanding how we see life different helps us be more gentle and forgiving of one another.
Don't sterotype, seek to identify the Core Motive.
Motive Matters, The Color Code and self awareness are the perfect tools for establishing a base line for self improvement. We shouldn't stereotype or label people, but we should seek to identify and then attune to others core motive, so that we may serve them by speaking their language, thereby building rapport, communication, empathy, and cooperation. This competency is key in building effective teams, both at home and in the work place. Doing so maximizes the gifts and strengths of all team members. When people live healthy and charactered, across the Color Code, the sum of the whole is greater than the parts. As the Japanese proverb says, "None of us is as smart as all of us." Van
Motive Matters - How important are limitations?
Motive matters. Compassion will help you value your strengths and your limitations cleanly and accurately.
Hi, friends, Van Benson here. :)
Dr. Taylor Hartman, in his new book, “Playing Life to Win”, writes, “Humble people learn to value both their strengths and their limitations.”
During a recent road trip, Tammy read to me from his book for nearly two entire days. I don't think “Playing Life to Win” is meant to be a quick read. I tried that the first time I read it. I loved it the first time through, but realized, the second time through, that I had missed many very important truths. Learning to “value your strengths AND your limitations” is one of those truths.
What does this mean?????
The first part, “value your strengths”, is the easiest, and perhaps more obvious. This is not to say that most people do this. In fact, one of the most gratifying things we experience as Color Code trainers, is when we see the light bulbs come on in people as they discover…often for the very first time…their innate (inborn) gifts and strengths. Reds realize that they DO have vision. They ARE productive and decisive and efficient. BLUES become aware that they ARE sincere and genuine and love to serve others. WHITES “get” they are smart, and capable and DO see things clearly and accurately. YELLOWS come to understand that they DO impact the world in a positive way, by cheering the rest of us on, with their enthusiasm and optimism.
Placing value on your strengths, and embracing the higher motives of service and love, empowers you to bring your gifts “on purpose”, and “with purpose”.
Humble people embrace AND value, BOTH, their strengths and their limitations…strong>with compassion.
How and WHY would I want to “value” my limitations???
Let’s think about this for a minute.
To place a value on something means, “to assess it’s worth or importance”.
Compassion is “a deep awareness of the suffering of another and the wish to relieve it.”
Having and “awareness” of the suffering of others is at the heart of the “SERVICE” motive.
Here is my current yellow perspective on valuing my strengths and limitations with compassion.
First, as a YELLOW, I must be aware that people are hurting out there. Smiles are highly contagious. The simple act of moving the facial muscles, in order to smile, triggers positive brain chemistry that stimulates the immune system and counteracts feelings of worry and depression. A word of encouragement, a little optimism, genuinely offered, can shine the light of life into a dark circumstance, or mood, of another, thereby relieving “suffering”, if even for a short while. For those of you who have heard me tell the story of my experience with “Dora, the hamburger cook”, you will understand how I am learning to bring “my gifts and strengths” with purpose…and on purpose. (This is a beautiful act of worship to the ONE who gave the gifts and strengths in the first place.)
Think about YOUR CORE COLOR, and consider assessing the worth...the importance... of your gifts and strengths. Consider the suffering of others…and your willingness to relieve it. How do you…or how can you relieve suffering by “bringing YOUR gifts to bless the lives of others”, as my friend Taylor Hartman like to say.
Now…to the less obvious application…valuing my limitations, and embracing them with compassion.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????????????
As a YELLOW, I do my strengths and limitations automatically. For 50 of my 53 years, I have lived out both, without even thinking about either one. Yes, I am generally happy, enthusiastic, optimistic, innovative, fun-loving, inclusive, and spontaneous. AND…YES, I am totally capable of being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined and obnoxious. (and a few more, as well).
Here is where the going can get tough for the “insecure” me.
HOW DO I ASSESS THE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE OF THE ABOVE LISTED LIMITATIONS??? Compassion... awareness of the suffering of others, and my wish to relieve it, is my best friend and colleague, IF, I am to face the truth about me, and the value...the importance... of my limitations.
IF…I am aware of the suffering of others…AND I wish to relieve it…I will face the fact that being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined, and obnoxious will, in fact, LIMIT my capacity to relieve the suffering of others.
Compassion motivates me to place importance on these limiting behaviors. They become so important, that I must commit to the process of beginning to defy them, and ultimately, over time, and with God’s help, to eliminate them altogether.
WHY?
Limitations are just that…limitations. They limit my effectiveness, as a person, in helping people.
REDS….do you see that being insensitive, arrogant, impatient, and always right is important? Important alright!…IMPORTANT TO ELIMINATE! They limit you from eliminating suffering to the very best of your ability.
BLUES…do you see your self-righteous attitude, unrealistic expectations, moodiness, hard to please, being judgemental and giving LOOONG lectures, is important? Yes,… important to begin to eliminate these things, because they hinder you from alleviating the suffering of others to the very best of your ability.
WHITES…………………OF COURSE, YOU SEE…haha….I know you do…and that is what I love about you.
(For the rest of you…WHITES see how being timid, silently stubborn, unmotivated, shy, uninvolved, and not speaking up, keeps them from helping others to the very best of their ability.)
Strengths and limitations are valuable...important. Maximize your strengths, minimize your limitations. Commit to the process of self control, and self improvement. Serve, love, and help people.
CAUTION: Motive Intelligence...Color Code... awareness..., and maturity is NOT an event. It is a process. It takes time. Be gracious and patient with yourself, and others, as you grow. Love you all!
Hi, friends, Van Benson here. :)
Dr. Taylor Hartman, in his new book, “Playing Life to Win”, writes, “Humble people learn to value both their strengths and their limitations.”
During a recent road trip, Tammy read to me from his book for nearly two entire days. I don't think “Playing Life to Win” is meant to be a quick read. I tried that the first time I read it. I loved it the first time through, but realized, the second time through, that I had missed many very important truths. Learning to “value your strengths AND your limitations” is one of those truths.
What does this mean?????
The first part, “value your strengths”, is the easiest, and perhaps more obvious. This is not to say that most people do this. In fact, one of the most gratifying things we experience as Color Code trainers, is when we see the light bulbs come on in people as they discover…often for the very first time…their innate (inborn) gifts and strengths. Reds realize that they DO have vision. They ARE productive and decisive and efficient. BLUES become aware that they ARE sincere and genuine and love to serve others. WHITES “get” they are smart, and capable and DO see things clearly and accurately. YELLOWS come to understand that they DO impact the world in a positive way, by cheering the rest of us on, with their enthusiasm and optimism.
Placing value on your strengths, and embracing the higher motives of service and love, empowers you to bring your gifts “on purpose”, and “with purpose”.
Humble people embrace AND value, BOTH, their strengths and their limitations…strong>with compassion.
How and WHY would I want to “value” my limitations???
Let’s think about this for a minute.
To place a value on something means, “to assess it’s worth or importance”.
Compassion is “a deep awareness of the suffering of another and the wish to relieve it.”
Having and “awareness” of the suffering of others is at the heart of the “SERVICE” motive.
Here is my current yellow perspective on valuing my strengths and limitations with compassion.
First, as a YELLOW, I must be aware that people are hurting out there. Smiles are highly contagious. The simple act of moving the facial muscles, in order to smile, triggers positive brain chemistry that stimulates the immune system and counteracts feelings of worry and depression. A word of encouragement, a little optimism, genuinely offered, can shine the light of life into a dark circumstance, or mood, of another, thereby relieving “suffering”, if even for a short while. For those of you who have heard me tell the story of my experience with “Dora, the hamburger cook”, you will understand how I am learning to bring “my gifts and strengths” with purpose…and on purpose. (This is a beautiful act of worship to the ONE who gave the gifts and strengths in the first place.)
Think about YOUR CORE COLOR, and consider assessing the worth...the importance... of your gifts and strengths. Consider the suffering of others…and your willingness to relieve it. How do you…or how can you relieve suffering by “bringing YOUR gifts to bless the lives of others”, as my friend Taylor Hartman like to say.
Now…to the less obvious application…valuing my limitations, and embracing them with compassion.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????????????
As a YELLOW, I do my strengths and limitations automatically. For 50 of my 53 years, I have lived out both, without even thinking about either one. Yes, I am generally happy, enthusiastic, optimistic, innovative, fun-loving, inclusive, and spontaneous. AND…YES, I am totally capable of being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined and obnoxious. (and a few more, as well).
Here is where the going can get tough for the “insecure” me.
HOW DO I ASSESS THE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE OF THE ABOVE LISTED LIMITATIONS??? Compassion... awareness of the suffering of others, and my wish to relieve it, is my best friend and colleague, IF, I am to face the truth about me, and the value...the importance... of my limitations.
IF…I am aware of the suffering of others…AND I wish to relieve it…I will face the fact that being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined, and obnoxious will, in fact, LIMIT my capacity to relieve the suffering of others.
Compassion motivates me to place importance on these limiting behaviors. They become so important, that I must commit to the process of beginning to defy them, and ultimately, over time, and with God’s help, to eliminate them altogether.
WHY?
Limitations are just that…limitations. They limit my effectiveness, as a person, in helping people.
REDS….do you see that being insensitive, arrogant, impatient, and always right is important? Important alright!…IMPORTANT TO ELIMINATE! They limit you from eliminating suffering to the very best of your ability.
BLUES…do you see your self-righteous attitude, unrealistic expectations, moodiness, hard to please, being judgemental and giving LOOONG lectures, is important? Yes,… important to begin to eliminate these things, because they hinder you from alleviating the suffering of others to the very best of your ability.
WHITES…………………OF COURSE, YOU SEE…haha….I know you do…and that is what I love about you.
(For the rest of you…WHITES see how being timid, silently stubborn, unmotivated, shy, uninvolved, and not speaking up, keeps them from helping others to the very best of their ability.)
Strengths and limitations are valuable...important. Maximize your strengths, minimize your limitations. Commit to the process of self control, and self improvement. Serve, love, and help people.
CAUTION: Motive Intelligence...Color Code... awareness..., and maturity is NOT an event. It is a process. It takes time. Be gracious and patient with yourself, and others, as you grow. Love you all!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Large Earth, Small World with Relationships
From Susie C. (Missouri) - Blue with secondary Yellow
Hello fellow bloggers – For those of you who read this blog regularly, you might remember that I had the privilege of going on a mission trip last summer to Goma, Congo. It was one of those life-changing experiences where I felt that I literally rubbed shoulders with Holy Spirit and fell in love with His African children.
Anyway, following my return in June, I began to diligently try to find a job. I had been unemployed since May, but didn’t feel it would be fair to take a new job and then be gone for 3 weeks, and I certainly wasn’t going to cancel the Africa trip. I sent out dozens of resumes and interviewed several places, but could just never find the right job. In desperation, I even tried a call center job. I couldn’t do it. Boy, do I have respect for those who can.
In December I drove to Dallas to go to work for my daughter who needed some interim help in her clinic (and I needed the money) and as luck would have it, I received a call actually in the car and on the way to Dallas about a possible job at St. John’s Hospital where I had worked back in the 80’s/90’s. I told them that I could not interview for three weeks and was afraid that would ruin my chances at the job. They continued to interview others and scheduled my interview for the 19th, the day of my return to Missouri.
Well, long-story-short, I got the job and it is PERFECT! It is in the not-for-profit foundation arm of the hospital which greatly interested me following the experience in Africa. It is only 32 hours per week, but with full benefits, so I was just praising God and thanking Him for answering my prayers so deliberately. OK, now here comes the fun part and the part about relationships and Our Father’s planning. I went to get the required immunizations for working in a hospital environment and while doing that, one of my friends mentioned that the new Priest at the hospital was from Africa. I became very excited and said, “Oh, I must meet him!” I went to his quarters and knocked on the door. This wonderful African voice said “welcome.” I entered speaking the very little Swahili that I remembered. His wonderful smile met my eyes which were full of tears that God had brought us together, we embraced, and there’s no doubt in my mind that we will be forever friends. I told him that I had been to Goma, and he said (you’re not going to believe this), “I was born in Goma.” Now, how is that for God’s timing and planning? After months, He put me in a job where I could have a relationship with a brother from the other side of the world. We understand each other. We’ve seen the same things. I think we will be great encouragement for each other to go about God’s work. Thank you, God, for this new relationship. We just have to be open for it and God will provide because I think He loves to bring his children together.
Susie Crutcher
Hello fellow bloggers – For those of you who read this blog regularly, you might remember that I had the privilege of going on a mission trip last summer to Goma, Congo. It was one of those life-changing experiences where I felt that I literally rubbed shoulders with Holy Spirit and fell in love with His African children.
Anyway, following my return in June, I began to diligently try to find a job. I had been unemployed since May, but didn’t feel it would be fair to take a new job and then be gone for 3 weeks, and I certainly wasn’t going to cancel the Africa trip. I sent out dozens of resumes and interviewed several places, but could just never find the right job. In desperation, I even tried a call center job. I couldn’t do it. Boy, do I have respect for those who can.
In December I drove to Dallas to go to work for my daughter who needed some interim help in her clinic (and I needed the money) and as luck would have it, I received a call actually in the car and on the way to Dallas about a possible job at St. John’s Hospital where I had worked back in the 80’s/90’s. I told them that I could not interview for three weeks and was afraid that would ruin my chances at the job. They continued to interview others and scheduled my interview for the 19th, the day of my return to Missouri.
Well, long-story-short, I got the job and it is PERFECT! It is in the not-for-profit foundation arm of the hospital which greatly interested me following the experience in Africa. It is only 32 hours per week, but with full benefits, so I was just praising God and thanking Him for answering my prayers so deliberately. OK, now here comes the fun part and the part about relationships and Our Father’s planning. I went to get the required immunizations for working in a hospital environment and while doing that, one of my friends mentioned that the new Priest at the hospital was from Africa. I became very excited and said, “Oh, I must meet him!” I went to his quarters and knocked on the door. This wonderful African voice said “welcome.” I entered speaking the very little Swahili that I remembered. His wonderful smile met my eyes which were full of tears that God had brought us together, we embraced, and there’s no doubt in my mind that we will be forever friends. I told him that I had been to Goma, and he said (you’re not going to believe this), “I was born in Goma.” Now, how is that for God’s timing and planning? After months, He put me in a job where I could have a relationship with a brother from the other side of the world. We understand each other. We’ve seen the same things. I think we will be great encouragement for each other to go about God’s work. Thank you, God, for this new relationship. We just have to be open for it and God will provide because I think He loves to bring his children together.
Susie Crutcher
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