Motive Matters provides us with a simple, easy to understand tool of self-awareness.
Self-awareness is a fundamental tool for self improvement.
"Get" yourself. Where are you? What is going on in your life? Decide to take a step toward a better life. Take responsibility and stop the blame game.
Personality is a gift, character is a victory!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Help others by being you!
As Thomas Aquinas wrote, "Human life would seem to consist in that in which each man most delights, that for which he especially strives, and that which he particularly wishes to share with his friends."
Motive Matters is a window into a marvelous and fascinating world of people.
People.
The highest order of creation.
You.
A member of the Human Team.
“Your Designer couples the "want to" with the "be able to." Desire shares the driver's seat with ability. The oak indwells the acorn.” (Max Lucado, Upwords, “Read Your Life Backwords”)
Your driving core motive, your color, is your gift. What you do with it is your gift.
You can choose to get what you want out of life, or you can choose to serve others with your color, and help them get what they want and need.
Dr. Taylor Hartman writes, “Personality is a gift, character is a victory!”
Get your self…get truth…get over yourself…get others!
Motive Matters is a window into a marvelous and fascinating world of people.
People.
The highest order of creation.
You.
A member of the Human Team.
“Your Designer couples the "want to" with the "be able to." Desire shares the driver's seat with ability. The oak indwells the acorn.” (Max Lucado, Upwords, “Read Your Life Backwords”)
Your driving core motive, your color, is your gift. What you do with it is your gift.
You can choose to get what you want out of life, or you can choose to serve others with your color, and help them get what they want and need.
Dr. Taylor Hartman writes, “Personality is a gift, character is a victory!”
Get your self…get truth…get over yourself…get others!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Good article on self-control
I hope you enjoy the following article from Purpose Driven Life. I am happy to receive articles like this in my email inbox on a daily basis.
Healing Choices: Controlled by Circumstances or Character
Rick Warren From PurposeDriven.com In our Devotionals series, Pastor Rick Warren discusses the Bible passages that inspire him the most. Today's Devotional is based on this passage:
“It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities” (Proverbs 16:32 TEV).
When we say things like, ‘That makes me so mad…so sad…feel so bad,’ then we’re actually saying that circumstances control the way we feel. Yet, we do have a choice. We have the ability to make healing choices. We can choose to remain positive; we can choose to not let some circumstance ‘make’ us mad.
The ability to control our reactions, to handle hurt without retaliating is called meekness. Jesus promised, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5 NIV). Meek people control their reactions toward life and this gives them far more control over a situation than if they simply react.
If you are a meek person, you are no longer a victim. You control your choices. The best definition of meekness in the Bible is Proverbs 16:32: “ . . . It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities” (TEV).
During World War II, the noted psychiatrist Victor Frankl was a prisoner in the concentration camp at Auschwitz. He said, “They took my clothes, my wife, my kids, my wedding ring. I stood naked before the SS and I realized they can take everything in my life but they cannot take my freedom to choose how I will respond to them."
That is a freedom you will always have. How do I react? How do I choose to react to those people who hurt me?
We will be blessed when we show self-control. You might be thinking, ‘That leaves me out! I can't control my reactions! I can't get them under control!’ The secret of controlling your reaction is letting God's Spirit fill your life moment-by-moment. He'll break all those bad habits, all those patterns of reacting, all those old ways of being negative, defensive--reacting in fear, in anger, in sarcasm. He can break all those old patterns in your life and fill your life with power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).
Some of us are stressed out by life, by circumstances, by relationships. What do we need more than anything else? We need to develop the quality of meekness; the quality of controlling our reactions by the Spirit God has placed in us.
You can learn more about what God wants for you by reading The Purpose Driven Life.
Healing Choices: Controlled by Circumstances or Character
Rick Warren From PurposeDriven.com In our Devotionals series, Pastor Rick Warren discusses the Bible passages that inspire him the most. Today's Devotional is based on this passage:
“It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities” (Proverbs 16:32 TEV).
When we say things like, ‘That makes me so mad…so sad…feel so bad,’ then we’re actually saying that circumstances control the way we feel. Yet, we do have a choice. We have the ability to make healing choices. We can choose to remain positive; we can choose to not let some circumstance ‘make’ us mad.
The ability to control our reactions, to handle hurt without retaliating is called meekness. Jesus promised, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5 NIV). Meek people control their reactions toward life and this gives them far more control over a situation than if they simply react.
If you are a meek person, you are no longer a victim. You control your choices. The best definition of meekness in the Bible is Proverbs 16:32: “ . . . It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities” (TEV).
During World War II, the noted psychiatrist Victor Frankl was a prisoner in the concentration camp at Auschwitz. He said, “They took my clothes, my wife, my kids, my wedding ring. I stood naked before the SS and I realized they can take everything in my life but they cannot take my freedom to choose how I will respond to them."
That is a freedom you will always have. How do I react? How do I choose to react to those people who hurt me?
We will be blessed when we show self-control. You might be thinking, ‘That leaves me out! I can't control my reactions! I can't get them under control!’ The secret of controlling your reaction is letting God's Spirit fill your life moment-by-moment. He'll break all those bad habits, all those patterns of reacting, all those old ways of being negative, defensive--reacting in fear, in anger, in sarcasm. He can break all those old patterns in your life and fill your life with power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).
Some of us are stressed out by life, by circumstances, by relationships. What do we need more than anything else? We need to develop the quality of meekness; the quality of controlling our reactions by the Spirit God has placed in us.
You can learn more about what God wants for you by reading The Purpose Driven Life.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I like this column by Cal Thomas
Well said by Cal Thomas. www.calthomas.com
The Voice Claims Another Victim
By Cal Thomas
The first thing that should be acknowledged about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s admission to an extramarital affair is that it could happen to any of us. That is not an excuse (and no, it has not happened to me, or to my wife). Every married person has heard the voice; the one that says you deserve something “better.”
Gov. Sanford should have been familiar with the voice because of the Bible studies he attended. The voice began seducing humanity a long time ago. It told our first parents that they needed more than the perfection of Eden. The voice told them that God knew that if they ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil they would be like God. But they already were like God, because they were made in His image.
Stick with me you secularists and non-literalists, because there is a point to be made for you, too.
Psychiatrists explain that married people tire of one another after 10 or 20 years (it used to be seven years, as in that Marilyn Monroe/Tom Ewell film “The Seven Year Itch.” Must be inflation.). Good marriages are the result of hard work. Forsaking all others is more than a wedding promise. It is a daily denial of one’s lower instincts. Temptation is everywhere. The key to overcoming it is to realize you are fighting an adversarial force that wants to destroy you, embarrass you and cause ridicule to be heaped on the God you claim to worship.
One can make excuses about power and loneliness and starting out as a friendship that develops into something else, as Gov. Sanford rambled on about, but one can’t explain adultery. It is what it is and the person who commits it should be calling on God for mercy, not the voters for understanding.
I once asked evangelist Billy Graham if he experienced temptations of the flesh when he was young. He said, “of course.” How did he deal with them? With passion he responded, “I asked God to strike me dead before He ever allowed me to dishonor Him in that way.” That is the kind of seriousness one needs to overcome the temptations of a corrupt culture in which shameful behavior is too often paraded in the streets.
There was a time when a divorce would disqualify someone from public office. Now people admit affairs and expect to stay in office. “It’s just sex,” said defenders of Bill Clinton. One might as well say, “it was just a gun” that killed my spouse. Adultery wounds in ways a bullet cannot. One can potentially heal from a bullet wound, but a shot to the soul and to the trust that must be central to any marriage is nearly impossible to repair. The wounded spouse always wonders, “Will he/she do it again?”
A relationship most promise to venerate “until death us do part” is damaged by adultery, whether it’s a TV evangelist, a politician or a regular Joe who violates the marriage bed. In fact, we rarely even use the word “adultery” anymore because it sounds so, uh, biblical, and those teachings and commands long ago fell out of fashion, though they work for those who embrace them.
Any man who claims never to have had thoughts of straying is a liar. Any man who has sought the help of God and other men in helping him to honor his marriage promises to his wife and children is a hero, especially in today’s morally exhausted culture.
I miss Paul Harvey and his acknowledgement of those who had been married 50, 60, even 70 years. Those people are my role models. I’m sure they heard the voice, too, but they told it to get lost and it did. Pushing against weights builds up the body, pushing against the voice builds up the soul and improves a marriage. You can never take a marriage — or the voice — for granted; it’s always on the prowl looking for new people to destroy.
Van - One thing I would add to Cal's excellent column: Kudos to the governor's wife for maintaining a willingness to seek restoration of the marriage relationship and extend forgiveness, in a spirit of christian love. Rebuilding trust takes time and hard work, but there are many couples who have done their work, repaired their connection, and are reaping the rewards of enjoying the life-long relationship called marriage. They serve as heroes to their children and all the rest of us.
The Voice Claims Another Victim
By Cal Thomas
The first thing that should be acknowledged about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s admission to an extramarital affair is that it could happen to any of us. That is not an excuse (and no, it has not happened to me, or to my wife). Every married person has heard the voice; the one that says you deserve something “better.”
Gov. Sanford should have been familiar with the voice because of the Bible studies he attended. The voice began seducing humanity a long time ago. It told our first parents that they needed more than the perfection of Eden. The voice told them that God knew that if they ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil they would be like God. But they already were like God, because they were made in His image.
Stick with me you secularists and non-literalists, because there is a point to be made for you, too.
Psychiatrists explain that married people tire of one another after 10 or 20 years (it used to be seven years, as in that Marilyn Monroe/Tom Ewell film “The Seven Year Itch.” Must be inflation.). Good marriages are the result of hard work. Forsaking all others is more than a wedding promise. It is a daily denial of one’s lower instincts. Temptation is everywhere. The key to overcoming it is to realize you are fighting an adversarial force that wants to destroy you, embarrass you and cause ridicule to be heaped on the God you claim to worship.
One can make excuses about power and loneliness and starting out as a friendship that develops into something else, as Gov. Sanford rambled on about, but one can’t explain adultery. It is what it is and the person who commits it should be calling on God for mercy, not the voters for understanding.
I once asked evangelist Billy Graham if he experienced temptations of the flesh when he was young. He said, “of course.” How did he deal with them? With passion he responded, “I asked God to strike me dead before He ever allowed me to dishonor Him in that way.” That is the kind of seriousness one needs to overcome the temptations of a corrupt culture in which shameful behavior is too often paraded in the streets.
There was a time when a divorce would disqualify someone from public office. Now people admit affairs and expect to stay in office. “It’s just sex,” said defenders of Bill Clinton. One might as well say, “it was just a gun” that killed my spouse. Adultery wounds in ways a bullet cannot. One can potentially heal from a bullet wound, but a shot to the soul and to the trust that must be central to any marriage is nearly impossible to repair. The wounded spouse always wonders, “Will he/she do it again?”
A relationship most promise to venerate “until death us do part” is damaged by adultery, whether it’s a TV evangelist, a politician or a regular Joe who violates the marriage bed. In fact, we rarely even use the word “adultery” anymore because it sounds so, uh, biblical, and those teachings and commands long ago fell out of fashion, though they work for those who embrace them.
Any man who claims never to have had thoughts of straying is a liar. Any man who has sought the help of God and other men in helping him to honor his marriage promises to his wife and children is a hero, especially in today’s morally exhausted culture.
I miss Paul Harvey and his acknowledgement of those who had been married 50, 60, even 70 years. Those people are my role models. I’m sure they heard the voice, too, but they told it to get lost and it did. Pushing against weights builds up the body, pushing against the voice builds up the soul and improves a marriage. You can never take a marriage — or the voice — for granted; it’s always on the prowl looking for new people to destroy.
Van - One thing I would add to Cal's excellent column: Kudos to the governor's wife for maintaining a willingness to seek restoration of the marriage relationship and extend forgiveness, in a spirit of christian love. Rebuilding trust takes time and hard work, but there are many couples who have done their work, repaired their connection, and are reaping the rewards of enjoying the life-long relationship called marriage. They serve as heroes to their children and all the rest of us.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Forgive...and Live Again - Motive Matters Van Benson
Forgiveness: To stop the blame and grant pardon
No matter how innocent our intentions, how competent we are in relationship skills, there will always be conflict, born of misunderstanding, and ill conceived perceptions of the motives and actions of others. WHEN you get stuck in relationship difficulties, give yourself a little time to calm the emotions and then consider the healing power of forgiveness. A conscious decision to stop the blame and grant pardon.
Consider these selected quotations on the subject and then get ready for a moving video about a daughter extending forgiveness to a man who killed her father. Choosing to forgive someone is rarely easy or quick. Forgiving a friend or family member is often more difficult than forgiving an enemy. When we forgive, we can breath again, and so can the offending party. Forgiveness is a beautiful, freeing, gift we give to others, and to ourselves.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
MOHANDAS K. GANDHI:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
THICH NHAT HANH:
"The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions."
No matter how innocent our intentions, how competent we are in relationship skills, there will always be conflict, born of misunderstanding, and ill conceived perceptions of the motives and actions of others. WHEN you get stuck in relationship difficulties, give yourself a little time to calm the emotions and then consider the healing power of forgiveness. A conscious decision to stop the blame and grant pardon.
Consider these selected quotations on the subject and then get ready for a moving video about a daughter extending forgiveness to a man who killed her father. Choosing to forgive someone is rarely easy or quick. Forgiving a friend or family member is often more difficult than forgiving an enemy. When we forgive, we can breath again, and so can the offending party. Forgiveness is a beautiful, freeing, gift we give to others, and to ourselves.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
MOHANDAS K. GANDHI:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
THICH NHAT HANH:
"The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions."
Monday, June 22, 2009
Motive Matters Highlight Video - 20 mins
Our work through Motive Matters and The Color Code has given us the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people in many different venues.... from individuals and families wanting to strength their relationships to corporate management and production teams, to faith based marriage retreats, to professional development workshops for teachers, and relationship training for High School students.
We consider it a great privilege to partner with the Miami Tribe of Oklahoma, and the Administration for Native Americans, promoting the value of healthy marriages and strong relationships through the President's Healthy Marriage Initiative.
As part of our 3 year program, we will be sending a DVD of this video to each tribal household of the Miami Nation.
A special thank you to Greg Fish of www.fishxpressions.com and Gary Ohmart of www.ovcinc.com for your assistance and contributions to this video. Nice job!
We consider it a great privilege to partner with the Miami Tribe of Oklahoma, and the Administration for Native Americans, promoting the value of healthy marriages and strong relationships through the President's Healthy Marriage Initiative.
As part of our 3 year program, we will be sending a DVD of this video to each tribal household of the Miami Nation.
A special thank you to Greg Fish of www.fishxpressions.com and Gary Ohmart of www.ovcinc.com for your assistance and contributions to this video. Nice job!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
What Got into YoU? by Van Benson
I just want to say a hearty "Thank you" to the outstanding staff of Color Code International.
Thank you Lan, Jeremy, Lindsay, Matthew, and of course, Dr. Taylor Hartman, Author of The Color/People Code. You guys are awesome and we at Motive Matters love you and respect you for all you do to help us accomplish our mission.
The more we train the principles of The Color Code, the more we appreciate the author's genius of revealing the needs and wants of the four Colors.
Your individual needs and wants will usually come from your primary and secondary colors. The "needs and wants" portion of The People Code represents our "Roadmap" to serving others, speaking their "color" language, and creating, and sustaining, successful relationships. When you are consistently serving another person's needs and wants, it is difficult...very difficult, for a good relationship NOT to evolve and grow.
Here they are for you to consider:
RED - Needs to look good technically, intellectually, academically
Needs to be right
Needs to be respected (treat them as if they are important...they are!)
Needs to attain the approval of a select few
Wants to hide insecurities
Wants to produce
Wants leadership position
Wants to experience challenging adventure
BLUE - Needs to be good morally
Needs to be understood
Needs to be appreciated
Needs to be accepted
Wants to reveal insecurities
Wants to be autonomous (self-governing)
Wants to attain quality
Wants to have security
WHITE - Needs to feel good (inside...peaceful and tranquil)
Needs to be allowed their own space (smart, reclusive thinkers)
Needs to be respected (treated like they are important...they are!)
Needs to be tolerated
Want to withhold insecurities
Wants to receive kindness
Wants to maintain independence
Wants to feel contented
YELLOW - Needs to look good (socially)
Needs to be noticed
Needs to be praised
Needs approval of the masses
Wants to hide insecurites
Wants to achieve happiness
Wants freedom
Wants playful adventure
What is the Core Color (Motive) of the person you need to improve a relationship with?
REDS are motivated by POWER, moving from A to B and being productive
BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, a deep, personal connection of the heart
WHITES are motivated by PEACE, inner tranquility amidst the chaos and noise of life
YELLOWS are motivated by FUN, living life fully engaged in the moment...enjoying it now
Think about THEIR needs and wants...not your own...and consider deciding to SERVE their needs and wants in genuine and creative ways. Motive Matters is a process, not an event. Don't expect a quick fix band aid. Over time, and it's usually quicker than you think, you will see a change for the better in the relationship. The other person will probably be wondering "what got into you?"
The answer is really pretty simple: Love.
Thank you Lan, Jeremy, Lindsay, Matthew, and of course, Dr. Taylor Hartman, Author of The Color/People Code. You guys are awesome and we at Motive Matters love you and respect you for all you do to help us accomplish our mission.
The more we train the principles of The Color Code, the more we appreciate the author's genius of revealing the needs and wants of the four Colors.
Your individual needs and wants will usually come from your primary and secondary colors. The "needs and wants" portion of The People Code represents our "Roadmap" to serving others, speaking their "color" language, and creating, and sustaining, successful relationships. When you are consistently serving another person's needs and wants, it is difficult...very difficult, for a good relationship NOT to evolve and grow.
Here they are for you to consider:
RED - Needs to look good technically, intellectually, academically
Needs to be right
Needs to be respected (treat them as if they are important...they are!)
Needs to attain the approval of a select few
Wants to hide insecurities
Wants to produce
Wants leadership position
Wants to experience challenging adventure
BLUE - Needs to be good morally
Needs to be understood
Needs to be appreciated
Needs to be accepted
Wants to reveal insecurities
Wants to be autonomous (self-governing)
Wants to attain quality
Wants to have security
WHITE - Needs to feel good (inside...peaceful and tranquil)
Needs to be allowed their own space (smart, reclusive thinkers)
Needs to be respected (treated like they are important...they are!)
Needs to be tolerated
Want to withhold insecurities
Wants to receive kindness
Wants to maintain independence
Wants to feel contented
YELLOW - Needs to look good (socially)
Needs to be noticed
Needs to be praised
Needs approval of the masses
Wants to hide insecurites
Wants to achieve happiness
Wants freedom
Wants playful adventure
What is the Core Color (Motive) of the person you need to improve a relationship with?
REDS are motivated by POWER, moving from A to B and being productive
BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, a deep, personal connection of the heart
WHITES are motivated by PEACE, inner tranquility amidst the chaos and noise of life
YELLOWS are motivated by FUN, living life fully engaged in the moment...enjoying it now
Think about THEIR needs and wants...not your own...and consider deciding to SERVE their needs and wants in genuine and creative ways. Motive Matters is a process, not an event. Don't expect a quick fix band aid. Over time, and it's usually quicker than you think, you will see a change for the better in the relationship. The other person will probably be wondering "what got into you?"
The answer is really pretty simple: Love.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
TRUST
When we understand each other, we are better equipped to trust each other.
In a recent Motive Matters Color Code Relationship Training a gem of wisdom was revealed by two of the participants, one a WHITE, the other a RED.
Before I get to that let's take a quick look at the word TRUST.
Trust: 1.) Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2.) Something committed into the care of another.
3.) One in which confidence is placed.
SYNONYMS trust, faith, confidence, reliance, dependence. These nouns denote a feeling of certainty that a person or thing will not fail. Trust implies depth and assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence.
In the world of relationships, whether business or personal, trust is critical.
Definition #1 above is the most commonly understood meaning of trust. We usually think of trust as believing someone is telling us the truth, or is acting with honesty and integrity. True. But as the famous infomercial says, "But wait! There's more!"
We must learn to trust in other's abilities: A person's ability to do something. A natural or acquired skill or competency.
Motive Matters and The Color Code, helps you discover not only an accurate sense of self-awareness, so that you become "aware" of your own natural gifts and strengths, but also teaches you about the gifts and strengths of others on your team. We are members of many "teams" during the course of a lifetime. In business, we work with management teams, production teams, supervisory teams, human resource teams, executive teams, etc. You may be a part of various teams in your church, for instance...The Worship Team, The Deacons, The Elders, Welcome Team, Parking Lot Team, Softball Team. You get the idea.
Perhaps the most important "team" you will ever participate in, is, your Family Team. A husband and a wife comprise a team. In fact, when it comes to self development, and continuous self improvement, your marriage is, without a doubt, the most important and powerful tool you will experience in life. No other relationship offers the myriad of opportunities to learn to serve another human being, while growing and maturing yourself.
Your children are star performers on your Family Team. Do you trust in their integrity...AND...in their abilities?
Each individual member of any team brings certain gifts and strengths that flow from the Driving Core Motive of their personality. Our passion at Motive Matters is to help people learn to trust each other better.
Now...back to that corporate training experience. I was training the limitation of WHITE we call "indecisive". One WHITE in the room commented how he had taken three weeks gathering information so he could buy a new washing machine for his wife. THREE WEEKS! And, still NO WASHING MACHINE! We all got a good laugh.
Just then, another WHITE spoke up. "I can't make a decision until I feel 100% confident it is the correct decision." He happened to be a brilliant engineer who performs critical design work within a manufacturing process.
Then the gem of brilliance manifested. A RED responded, "You know, sometimes I get so frustrated by what I perceive as the slow pace of you WHITES!" "But, now...I can see where you WHITES are really protecting all the rest of us. By taking a little extra time, and processing all the information logically, you are making sure the solution will work effectively for the entire team!" "Cool!"
Kudos to those who participated in teaching all of us this great truth.
None of us is smarter than all of us. And, no one of us is better than all of us. It takes all Colors, working together, trusting each other, depending upon each other, to get the job done right!
And, as Dr. W. Edwards Deming said, "To know how you depend on others, and how they depend on you,...to take pride in a job well done, and to have had the opportunity to do it...THAT is "joy" in work.
In a recent Motive Matters Color Code Relationship Training a gem of wisdom was revealed by two of the participants, one a WHITE, the other a RED.
Before I get to that let's take a quick look at the word TRUST.
Trust: 1.) Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2.) Something committed into the care of another.
3.) One in which confidence is placed.
SYNONYMS trust, faith, confidence, reliance, dependence. These nouns denote a feeling of certainty that a person or thing will not fail. Trust implies depth and assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence.
In the world of relationships, whether business or personal, trust is critical.
Definition #1 above is the most commonly understood meaning of trust. We usually think of trust as believing someone is telling us the truth, or is acting with honesty and integrity. True. But as the famous infomercial says, "But wait! There's more!"
We must learn to trust in other's abilities: A person's ability to do something. A natural or acquired skill or competency.
Motive Matters and The Color Code, helps you discover not only an accurate sense of self-awareness, so that you become "aware" of your own natural gifts and strengths, but also teaches you about the gifts and strengths of others on your team. We are members of many "teams" during the course of a lifetime. In business, we work with management teams, production teams, supervisory teams, human resource teams, executive teams, etc. You may be a part of various teams in your church, for instance...The Worship Team, The Deacons, The Elders, Welcome Team, Parking Lot Team, Softball Team. You get the idea.
Perhaps the most important "team" you will ever participate in, is, your Family Team. A husband and a wife comprise a team. In fact, when it comes to self development, and continuous self improvement, your marriage is, without a doubt, the most important and powerful tool you will experience in life. No other relationship offers the myriad of opportunities to learn to serve another human being, while growing and maturing yourself.
Your children are star performers on your Family Team. Do you trust in their integrity...AND...in their abilities?
Each individual member of any team brings certain gifts and strengths that flow from the Driving Core Motive of their personality. Our passion at Motive Matters is to help people learn to trust each other better.
Now...back to that corporate training experience. I was training the limitation of WHITE we call "indecisive". One WHITE in the room commented how he had taken three weeks gathering information so he could buy a new washing machine for his wife. THREE WEEKS! And, still NO WASHING MACHINE! We all got a good laugh.
Just then, another WHITE spoke up. "I can't make a decision until I feel 100% confident it is the correct decision." He happened to be a brilliant engineer who performs critical design work within a manufacturing process.
Then the gem of brilliance manifested. A RED responded, "You know, sometimes I get so frustrated by what I perceive as the slow pace of you WHITES!" "But, now...I can see where you WHITES are really protecting all the rest of us. By taking a little extra time, and processing all the information logically, you are making sure the solution will work effectively for the entire team!" "Cool!"
Kudos to those who participated in teaching all of us this great truth.
None of us is smarter than all of us. And, no one of us is better than all of us. It takes all Colors, working together, trusting each other, depending upon each other, to get the job done right!
And, as Dr. W. Edwards Deming said, "To know how you depend on others, and how they depend on you,...to take pride in a job well done, and to have had the opportunity to do it...THAT is "joy" in work.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
SEVEN MOST IMPORTANT WORDS - Part 3 "I love you"
“I love you.”
Are you comfortable saying these words?
“I love fast cars!” “I love the St. Louis Cardinals!” “I love to play golf!” “I love my dog!” As long as we have a good feeling about something, we can say we love it! We usually don’t associate “love” with anything but gooooood, positive “feelings”.
Most of us have some issues when it comes to these three words. It just seems to be the way we are conditioned as a result of experience and society. In fact those three words can drive some of us nuts. If you ever want to see someone look like a deer in the head lights, just for effect, spring those words on them unexpectedly.
When Tammy and I were dating, 36 years ago, we had issues with those words. As a YELLOW, I was most reluctant to say those words, no matter how much I knew my BLUE girlfriend wanted to hear them. (Sounds too much like “commitment, responsibility,…MARRIAGE!!!) As we continued to court each other, I somehow managed to get enough courage to say…”I love you, for today”. This was long before we knew anything about how much MOTIVE MATTERS and Color Code. About a year later, we went through a high school break-up. Tammy seemed to be showing way to much interest in another guy, so I began to try to win her back. When faced with the prospect of losing her to the competition, it was amazing how bold I became in saying “Hey!...I Love YOU!!” She would smugly look out the window of my ’66 Shelby Mustang without comment.
“Do YOU love ME??!!??!!??”, I would implore.
After what seemed like an eternity, she would say, “I guess I love you…for today”.
PAYBACK! Oh, I hated that. Believe it or not, YELLOW wanted “commitment” from his BLUE!!! (As I reflect back, I think she was using excellent color code skills by nature. She was doing the very thing that pushed me to get real with my true feelings, and develop commitment in my “yellow” self.
Are you fearful of saying I Love You? Do you know what you are saying when you say it?
All the rules change in a relationship when you say those three words, I love you. Why?
Because love goes to the heart of the matter. It clarifies your ultimate motive upon which the relationship is built. Beyond our innate personalities which are driven by our gift of core motive, whether POWER, INTIMACY, PEACE, or FUN, all of us are driven by fear or love. The expression of love being the motive brings confidence that the agenda is to do good and not harm. But love is a powerful motive. As Randy Gariss said, “Love can do much harm or much good because it goes to the deepest parts of the soul and the emotions.”
What most people don’t realize is, love is not just a noun…a feeling… love is a verb. 99% of the time when we say “I love you”, we are admitting to ourselves, or the other person, that there is a “feeling”, an emotion, of fondness, goodwill, or connection. However, the highest form of love, agape, is something you “do”, not something you “feel”. This love is described and can be heard at almost every wedding ceremony. You know…”Love is patient. Love is kind”…
In his wonderful book “Servant Leadership”, author James C. Hunter paraphrases the ingredients of the highest love found in I Cor. 13 this way:
“Love is how you choose to treat a person. How you choose to act and react toward them”.
It is choosing to treat them PATIENTLY - showing self-control under stress.
KINDLY – giving attention, appreciation, and encouragement (being present...a good listener)
with HUMILITY – being authentic, without arrogance or pretense (not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less)
RESPECTFULLY – treating others as important people
SELFLESSLY – meeting the needs of others
FORGIVING – giving up resentment when wronged
HONESTLY – being consistent with truth, giving people feedback, good and bad, being predictable and fair.
WITH COMMITMENT – sticking with your choices, extending and stretching ourselves for others.
The next time you say “I love you”, consider that you are choosing to treat that person in these ways.
We have a choice about whether we will behave lovingly toward others. Most of the time we will have to sacrifice…put down…take authority over…our egos, our moods, or our own self-interest.
Loving someone, and learning to love people, all kinds of people, is a wonderful thing. Love is the most powerful motivating force in the universe.
The next time you think about saying “I love you”…think about what you are saying…and go ahead…make their day, and yours…just say it…and mean it…”I LOVE YOU!”
And, by the way…I love you!
Are you comfortable saying these words?
“I love fast cars!” “I love the St. Louis Cardinals!” “I love to play golf!” “I love my dog!” As long as we have a good feeling about something, we can say we love it! We usually don’t associate “love” with anything but gooooood, positive “feelings”.
Most of us have some issues when it comes to these three words. It just seems to be the way we are conditioned as a result of experience and society. In fact those three words can drive some of us nuts. If you ever want to see someone look like a deer in the head lights, just for effect, spring those words on them unexpectedly.
When Tammy and I were dating, 36 years ago, we had issues with those words. As a YELLOW, I was most reluctant to say those words, no matter how much I knew my BLUE girlfriend wanted to hear them. (Sounds too much like “commitment, responsibility,…MARRIAGE!!!) As we continued to court each other, I somehow managed to get enough courage to say…”I love you, for today”. This was long before we knew anything about how much MOTIVE MATTERS and Color Code. About a year later, we went through a high school break-up. Tammy seemed to be showing way to much interest in another guy, so I began to try to win her back. When faced with the prospect of losing her to the competition, it was amazing how bold I became in saying “Hey!...I Love YOU!!” She would smugly look out the window of my ’66 Shelby Mustang without comment.
“Do YOU love ME??!!??!!??”, I would implore.
After what seemed like an eternity, she would say, “I guess I love you…for today”.
PAYBACK! Oh, I hated that. Believe it or not, YELLOW wanted “commitment” from his BLUE!!! (As I reflect back, I think she was using excellent color code skills by nature. She was doing the very thing that pushed me to get real with my true feelings, and develop commitment in my “yellow” self.
Are you fearful of saying I Love You? Do you know what you are saying when you say it?
All the rules change in a relationship when you say those three words, I love you. Why?
Because love goes to the heart of the matter. It clarifies your ultimate motive upon which the relationship is built. Beyond our innate personalities which are driven by our gift of core motive, whether POWER, INTIMACY, PEACE, or FUN, all of us are driven by fear or love. The expression of love being the motive brings confidence that the agenda is to do good and not harm. But love is a powerful motive. As Randy Gariss said, “Love can do much harm or much good because it goes to the deepest parts of the soul and the emotions.”
What most people don’t realize is, love is not just a noun…a feeling… love is a verb. 99% of the time when we say “I love you”, we are admitting to ourselves, or the other person, that there is a “feeling”, an emotion, of fondness, goodwill, or connection. However, the highest form of love, agape, is something you “do”, not something you “feel”. This love is described and can be heard at almost every wedding ceremony. You know…”Love is patient. Love is kind”…
In his wonderful book “Servant Leadership”, author James C. Hunter paraphrases the ingredients of the highest love found in I Cor. 13 this way:
“Love is how you choose to treat a person. How you choose to act and react toward them”.
It is choosing to treat them PATIENTLY - showing self-control under stress.
KINDLY – giving attention, appreciation, and encouragement (being present...a good listener)
with HUMILITY – being authentic, without arrogance or pretense (not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less)
RESPECTFULLY – treating others as important people
SELFLESSLY – meeting the needs of others
FORGIVING – giving up resentment when wronged
HONESTLY – being consistent with truth, giving people feedback, good and bad, being predictable and fair.
WITH COMMITMENT – sticking with your choices, extending and stretching ourselves for others.
The next time you say “I love you”, consider that you are choosing to treat that person in these ways.
We have a choice about whether we will behave lovingly toward others. Most of the time we will have to sacrifice…put down…take authority over…our egos, our moods, or our own self-interest.
Loving someone, and learning to love people, all kinds of people, is a wonderful thing. Love is the most powerful motivating force in the universe.
The next time you think about saying “I love you”…think about what you are saying…and go ahead…make their day, and yours…just say it…and mean it…”I LOVE YOU!”
And, by the way…I love you!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Seven Most Important Words: Continued
"Thank you".
Powerfully, wonderful words, when spoken with genuine gratitude and humility.
This simple phrase has magic in it, making the recipient feel respected, appreciated, dignified, valued, trusted, noticed, praised, and recognized.
Can you see how this simple phrase meets the needs and wants of all four personality colors?
"Thank you"...it reinforces bonds of relationship. One of the nicest things that Tammy and I experience is when someone takes the time and effort to send us a note containing these words. I have noticed something that happens, inside, when I read or hear "thank you". I feel encouraged. Thank you has the ability to create the atmosphere wherein the self-esteem of both the giver and the receiver may grow.
Saying "thank you" to my children causes them to respect themselves a little better. And, whether or not they would admit it, kids like to be thanked by us adults. I think it makes them feel valued in a special way.
I am married to a BLUE, and knowing she has a need to be appreciated, I began learning how to thank her for some of the thousands of things she does for me and others each and every day. Yes, you've heard us tell people in our Motive Matters training, "He thanks me for all kinds of things, even things like a clean house, clean towels, even clean underwear"! It is true. As a YELLOW I just assumed those things just "appeared".
In the world of business, the great ones know the importance of "Thank you". These two little words are rule number one in the book on customer retention.
Rick Warren goes so far as to propose that having an "attitude of gratitude" is one of the fundamental purposes of life.
Being a thankful person releases stress and promotes peace. "Thank you" can be the most disarming of all possible responses to criticism.
I had a man come up to me at a seminar I was giving and say, "I dropped in on one of your speeches for a few minutes a while back, and I have to tell you, I thought it was nonsense, and I got up and walked out!" I said, "I'm sorry, but thank you for honestly sharing your feelings with me because I am always happy to hear of ways I can improve on my trainings." With that he said, "Well, let me finish! I told you I walked out. I only listened that evening for a few minutes. My wife made me come to this tonight so I had to sit through the whole thing. And what I wanted to tell you is..."I'm sorry....because I really enjoyed the night and I got a lot out of it! I just felt I owed you and apology."
What a turnaround!
"Thank you" always brings out a smile.
Smiles are good.
Actually...they are wonderful!
Go ahead...practice alone if you need to...then try it on someone.
Just say it...
"Thank you!"
Powerfully, wonderful words, when spoken with genuine gratitude and humility.
This simple phrase has magic in it, making the recipient feel respected, appreciated, dignified, valued, trusted, noticed, praised, and recognized.
Can you see how this simple phrase meets the needs and wants of all four personality colors?
"Thank you"...it reinforces bonds of relationship. One of the nicest things that Tammy and I experience is when someone takes the time and effort to send us a note containing these words. I have noticed something that happens, inside, when I read or hear "thank you". I feel encouraged. Thank you has the ability to create the atmosphere wherein the self-esteem of both the giver and the receiver may grow.
Saying "thank you" to my children causes them to respect themselves a little better. And, whether or not they would admit it, kids like to be thanked by us adults. I think it makes them feel valued in a special way.
I am married to a BLUE, and knowing she has a need to be appreciated, I began learning how to thank her for some of the thousands of things she does for me and others each and every day. Yes, you've heard us tell people in our Motive Matters training, "He thanks me for all kinds of things, even things like a clean house, clean towels, even clean underwear"! It is true. As a YELLOW I just assumed those things just "appeared".
In the world of business, the great ones know the importance of "Thank you". These two little words are rule number one in the book on customer retention.
Rick Warren goes so far as to propose that having an "attitude of gratitude" is one of the fundamental purposes of life.
Being a thankful person releases stress and promotes peace. "Thank you" can be the most disarming of all possible responses to criticism.
I had a man come up to me at a seminar I was giving and say, "I dropped in on one of your speeches for a few minutes a while back, and I have to tell you, I thought it was nonsense, and I got up and walked out!" I said, "I'm sorry, but thank you for honestly sharing your feelings with me because I am always happy to hear of ways I can improve on my trainings." With that he said, "Well, let me finish! I told you I walked out. I only listened that evening for a few minutes. My wife made me come to this tonight so I had to sit through the whole thing. And what I wanted to tell you is..."I'm sorry....because I really enjoyed the night and I got a lot out of it! I just felt I owed you and apology."
What a turnaround!
"Thank you" always brings out a smile.
Smiles are good.
Actually...they are wonderful!
Go ahead...practice alone if you need to...then try it on someone.
Just say it...
"Thank you!"
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The SEVEN MOST IMPORTANT WORDS...
Here are the first two of the seven most important words you will ever speak in creating successful relationships. Part One - Van Benson, Motive Matters.com
"I'm sorry".
Perception is the mother of conflict. Many conflicts in relationships of all kinds stem from misunderstanding and lack of humility. Sometimes, even when we are perfectly right, we say things in a manner that causes people to become defensive or offended. It might be a tactless comment from a RED, or a self-righteous opinion of a BLUE, or sarcasm from a yellow, or the appearance of seeming ambivalent or uncaring from a WHITE. Sometimes the way the say something carries far more weight in relationships than what we actually said.
The very word relationship means people are involved. And, wherever people are, there will be found...egos, insecurities, and feelings. I'm not saying compromise your core values or principles. I am saying it is imperative to understand the core motive of others and how that core motive "colors" how others perceive what we say at times. Charactered people take 100% responsibility for not only WHAT they say, but also HOW it is...or was...said.
Being able to take the other person's perspective, and understand how WHAT we said made them FEEL, is critical in maintaining mutually respectful relationships.
Humble people are much more likely to be able to say, "I'm sorry". Humble people are the ones who are able to embrace both their strengths and their limitations with compassion. This allows them the gift of knowing, "I am not perfect".
Dr. Taylor hartman writes in his new book, Playing Life to Win, "Humble people value themselves enough to admit their faults and their insecurities".
Humility allows you the personal power to say, "I'm sorry", and mean it.
And, while we are here, may I make a strong recommendation that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE...IF...you are brave enough...and secure enough, to do it?
GET RID OF THE "BUTS".
The word "BUT" is a synonym for "I didn't really mean I'm sorry". "I wish to continue the hostility between us with further justification for MY position".
At a recent relationship retreat for couples, I had all the participants write the letters B U T on a note card. Everyone formed a line, and each person, one at a time, would step forward, look me in the eye, and say, "I'm sorry", and then toss the "B U T card" away, like the rubbish of defensiveness and insecurity it represents. It was a rather simplistic excercise, but I know from my own experience, that when Tammy and I are discussing an area of conflict, which we still do by the way, we cannot say "but" without thinking of our friends and those silly "B-U-T Cards".
Dr. Hartman's books, "The People Code", "Color Your Future", and "Playing Life to Win", all remind us that the first gift we need for the journey of life is humility. Humble people are powerful people. Powerful people learn to say..."I'm sorry".
"I'm sorry".
Perception is the mother of conflict. Many conflicts in relationships of all kinds stem from misunderstanding and lack of humility. Sometimes, even when we are perfectly right, we say things in a manner that causes people to become defensive or offended. It might be a tactless comment from a RED, or a self-righteous opinion of a BLUE, or sarcasm from a yellow, or the appearance of seeming ambivalent or uncaring from a WHITE. Sometimes the way the say something carries far more weight in relationships than what we actually said.
The very word relationship means people are involved. And, wherever people are, there will be found...egos, insecurities, and feelings. I'm not saying compromise your core values or principles. I am saying it is imperative to understand the core motive of others and how that core motive "colors" how others perceive what we say at times. Charactered people take 100% responsibility for not only WHAT they say, but also HOW it is...or was...said.
Being able to take the other person's perspective, and understand how WHAT we said made them FEEL, is critical in maintaining mutually respectful relationships.
Humble people are much more likely to be able to say, "I'm sorry". Humble people are the ones who are able to embrace both their strengths and their limitations with compassion. This allows them the gift of knowing, "I am not perfect".
Dr. Taylor hartman writes in his new book, Playing Life to Win, "Humble people value themselves enough to admit their faults and their insecurities".
Humility allows you the personal power to say, "I'm sorry", and mean it.
And, while we are here, may I make a strong recommendation that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE...IF...you are brave enough...and secure enough, to do it?
GET RID OF THE "BUTS".
The word "BUT" is a synonym for "I didn't really mean I'm sorry". "I wish to continue the hostility between us with further justification for MY position".
At a recent relationship retreat for couples, I had all the participants write the letters B U T on a note card. Everyone formed a line, and each person, one at a time, would step forward, look me in the eye, and say, "I'm sorry", and then toss the "B U T card" away, like the rubbish of defensiveness and insecurity it represents. It was a rather simplistic excercise, but I know from my own experience, that when Tammy and I are discussing an area of conflict, which we still do by the way, we cannot say "but" without thinking of our friends and those silly "B-U-T Cards".
Dr. Hartman's books, "The People Code", "Color Your Future", and "Playing Life to Win", all remind us that the first gift we need for the journey of life is humility. Humble people are powerful people. Powerful people learn to say..."I'm sorry".
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Test of Nobility
The true test of nobility is to choose to become better than you used to be.
The greatest joy of leadership, and the essense that lies at it's core meaning, is helping other people become better than they used to be.
The greatest joy of leadership, and the essense that lies at it's core meaning, is helping other people become better than they used to be.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Motive Matters - What life is really about.
Hi Van and Tammy,
How fortunate we are to have attended your class! (Color Code) It has produced amazing results. I think the reason that Motive Matters succeeds so well is twofold: In a very non-threatening way, it makes people examine themselves and their own motives first. Introspection must always be the first step to improving our relationships.
Secondly, it gives people a common “language” to help improve communication. “I’ll quit being so Blue if you will put some of that Red away” is a friendly way to say “We’re not connecting. Let’s try again”. It seems to instantly disarm both parties and turn an unproductive situation into a productive one.
I can’t say enough about how good Motive Matters really is. It is amazingly successful at helping good people become better in their relationships. Isn’t that what life is really all about?
Many Thanks,
How fortunate we are to have attended your class! (Color Code) It has produced amazing results. I think the reason that Motive Matters succeeds so well is twofold: In a very non-threatening way, it makes people examine themselves and their own motives first. Introspection must always be the first step to improving our relationships.
Secondly, it gives people a common “language” to help improve communication. “I’ll quit being so Blue if you will put some of that Red away” is a friendly way to say “We’re not connecting. Let’s try again”. It seems to instantly disarm both parties and turn an unproductive situation into a productive one.
I can’t say enough about how good Motive Matters really is. It is amazingly successful at helping good people become better in their relationships. Isn’t that what life is really all about?
Many Thanks,
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Valentine Retreat - Motive Matters/Color Code
Greetings to all our Motive Matters/Color Code friends.
Tammy and I enjoyed hosting our first Annual Valentine Couples retreat this past weekend at Sequoyah State Park in Wagoner Oklahoma. Thank you to our great team at the Miami Tribe of Oklahoma for your hard work and sponsorship.
We had 16 couples and what a great group they were! Congratulations to all of you! Thank you for participating. Your comments, your stories, your insights, jokes, and presence, made our time together so meaningful.
Hope you enjoy the photos. Please keep in touch, Tammy and I are here to serve you.
Hope you enjoy the photos. Please keep in touch, Tammy and I are here to serve you.
We love you all.
As Dr. Taylor Hartman would say, “Do your work…stretch…bring your gifts and strengths to bless the lives of others.”
You can have a GREAT marriage. The best is yet to come in your relationships.
You can have a GREAT marriage. The best is yet to come in your relationships.
Don’t miss the grand finale!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Motive - Color Code Question - BLUE/YELLOW
Question: “I am VERY BLUE, and I am married to a SPARKLING YELLOW, if there was one thing you could tell me to do that would improve our relationship, what would it be?”
Thank you for this great question. Your road map to great relationships always begins with an understanding of your own core motive. Remember, ‘first base’ in the game of life is “GET YOURSELF”.
As a BLUE, motivated by intimacy, you are a heavyweight, in the world of personality. You tend to be very purposeful in all you do, and you see life as a very serious endeavor. You have such a strong need for others to understand your deep feelings.
Dr. Taylor Hartman writes in his best selling book, “The People Code”, YELLOWS embody the ultimate lightweight personality”. YELLOWS are motivated by FUN! They love to live life, in the moment, fully engaged. The way they see it, “If we are not enjoying life, right here, right now, what’s the point?”
So, what is ONE THING a BLUE can do to have a better relationship with a YELLOW?
“Lighten up.” “Live life a little more carefree”.
By doing this, you will be “speaking his or her color language”. If you do this with a “clean” motive, genuine service and love, you will see a marked improvement in the relationship.
Life is all about relationships!
Thank you for this great question. Your road map to great relationships always begins with an understanding of your own core motive. Remember, ‘first base’ in the game of life is “GET YOURSELF”.
As a BLUE, motivated by intimacy, you are a heavyweight, in the world of personality. You tend to be very purposeful in all you do, and you see life as a very serious endeavor. You have such a strong need for others to understand your deep feelings.
Dr. Taylor Hartman writes in his best selling book, “The People Code”, YELLOWS embody the ultimate lightweight personality”. YELLOWS are motivated by FUN! They love to live life, in the moment, fully engaged. The way they see it, “If we are not enjoying life, right here, right now, what’s the point?”
So, what is ONE THING a BLUE can do to have a better relationship with a YELLOW?
“Lighten up.” “Live life a little more carefree”.
By doing this, you will be “speaking his or her color language”. If you do this with a “clean” motive, genuine service and love, you will see a marked improvement in the relationship.
Life is all about relationships!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
New TV commercial for Motive Matters training
Motive matters, The Color Code, Van and Tammy Benson As you may know, The Miami Tribe of Oklahoma was recently awarded a grant from The Administration for Native Americans through The United States Department of Health and Human Services. The grant provides funding for 24, eight hour Motive Matters/Color Code Relationship trainings, within a 50 mile radius of Miami, OK, over the course of the next year. It also provides funding for advertising to create public awareness of the importance of healthy marriages. You may already be hearing our radio commercials on several top local stations. Billboards are coming soon. Design is in progress. Thanks to the excellent work of Gary Ohmart and Ohmart Video Creations, of Joplin MO, we will begin airing television commercials on many channels of the Cable One Network this coming week. Copy and paste this link into your browser to see the commercial. http://ovcinc.com/motivematters/ Hope you enjoy it. Keep doing your work of defying your limitations, maximizing your strengths, and as bringing your gifts to bless the lives of others.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Healing Power of Understanding - Van Benson
By Van Benson - Motive Matters - motivematters.com
There are rich traditions within the Native American culture that speak of the importance of relationships. Josh Sutterfield, Cultural Resource Specialist, Miami Tribe of Oklahoma, writes “There are four essential elements required to maintain a traditional concept of relationship within the Myaamia (Miami)”. Mr. Sutterfield continues:
1.) “KNOWLEDGE (kweehsitaatinki) – In order for relationship to be maintained we must seek to understand those whom we wish to relate to. This happens through awareness and seeking knowledge of the other.
2.) RESPECT (kweehsitaatinki) This term is the overlap between the notions of ‘fear’ and ‘respect’. Loss of respect produces instability. Instability brings harm to the people. Within the concept of kweehsitaatinki (respect) is the belief that one should not seek control over others, rather we should learn to identify the differences that exist within the social complex and respect them.
3.) HUMBLENESS (eelaaminaanki) – In a modern context, means ‘to pray’, and gives the notion of ‘gratitude’. Humbleness embodies the belief that we are not separate from the others, but are part of a larger aggregate, and our actions affect all others within the social complex in which we live.
4.) HEALING (peelakiinki) This word expresses the notion of ‘healing’ and ‘curing’. An alternate context for the term is ‘I grant life to a prisoner, set him free’. Relationships can be violated and so it is important to have the ability to heal the violation.
The relationship concept of the Myaamiaki (Miami people) has evolved over many generations through an empirical process of knowledge-practice-belief. It is therefore legitimized over time as essential for sustainable living from the perspective of this one human group, The Miami. It is through this concept that we maintain mutually respectful relationships”.
The understanding of our individual gifts of innate personality driven by a core motive has the potential to bring about much needed healing within our world today. The healing power of understanding empowers us to continue our life journey…a journey with a mission…a mission of love and service.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Ok I'm 53 and proud of it! Attn: Blues and Whites!
Thank you Tammy for that birthday scripture. Makes me feel better about turning 53! I had a relaxing day, listening to the "Happy Birthday" song from my Grandsons, Nate, Eli, and Sam in Brownsville. Then from my Grandaughters, Ari, and Addy. Beautiful kiddos! You are the best.
My birthday request was to go see Clint Eastwood's new movie "Gran Tourino". It was, in my opinion, Eastwood at his best ever. This is a great movie about a very RED character...Walter...who learns a lot about life and relationships. It was worth wading through the vulgar language to get to the plot and the worthwhile message of the film. Really enjoyed it. I laughed and cheered and cried. Guess he got me. The guy is good!
Now for a little Color Code lesson from a recent training. Thank you to those who attended and the part you all played in making this training so special. Here is just one of several aha moments we had as we shared back and forth about Motive and relationships.
Attention Whites and Blues:
An interesting question came from a “White” wife regarding her “Blue” husband.
“I honestly try to be a good listener. But why does he just go on and on and on? And then, it seems like he gets more angry the longer he goes. What is the problem? What more can I do?
The answer came from across the room, from another “white”. He is in his teens and has that great, white clarity. He said, “Sometimes I have this funny, blank look on my face when my blue Mom is talking to me. I think she goes on and on because she doesn’t think I am getting what she is saying. I am, but apparently I don’t show it, so she just keeps talking.”
“Aha” - moment!!!
When communicating with blues, whites must remind themselves that the subject is usually “feelings”. Because you whites operate from a highly logical perspective, you must stretch on out there to not only connect with the emotion, but demonstrate that you do. Some evidence that you are “getting it” will be helpful to the blue. It may mean nodding your head, or maybe even a warm embrace. Help the blue “feel” understood. It is “air” to them.
My birthday request was to go see Clint Eastwood's new movie "Gran Tourino". It was, in my opinion, Eastwood at his best ever. This is a great movie about a very RED character...Walter...who learns a lot about life and relationships. It was worth wading through the vulgar language to get to the plot and the worthwhile message of the film. Really enjoyed it. I laughed and cheered and cried. Guess he got me. The guy is good!
Now for a little Color Code lesson from a recent training. Thank you to those who attended and the part you all played in making this training so special. Here is just one of several aha moments we had as we shared back and forth about Motive and relationships.
Attention Whites and Blues:
An interesting question came from a “White” wife regarding her “Blue” husband.
“I honestly try to be a good listener. But why does he just go on and on and on? And then, it seems like he gets more angry the longer he goes. What is the problem? What more can I do?
The answer came from across the room, from another “white”. He is in his teens and has that great, white clarity. He said, “Sometimes I have this funny, blank look on my face when my blue Mom is talking to me. I think she goes on and on because she doesn’t think I am getting what she is saying. I am, but apparently I don’t show it, so she just keeps talking.”
“Aha” - moment!!!
When communicating with blues, whites must remind themselves that the subject is usually “feelings”. Because you whites operate from a highly logical perspective, you must stretch on out there to not only connect with the emotion, but demonstrate that you do. Some evidence that you are “getting it” will be helpful to the blue. It may mean nodding your head, or maybe even a warm embrace. Help the blue “feel” understood. It is “air” to them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAN!
Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?
Job 12:12
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Let us turn TO each other and stop turning on each other!
Motive matters in relationships of all kinds.
By Van Benson
In his life-changing book, “The People Code”, Dr. Taylor Hartman offers a fresh method for analyzing and identifying your own innate personality, as well as that of others.
James F. Hennig, Ph.D, who has studied behavior style for more than three decades, says, “I believe The People Code (Color Code system of Motive) stands head and shoulders above the others, and provides greater clarity and understanding than any program I’ve ever been exposed to”.
Motive Matters is a training and consulting company that teaches people about people. We do so with executive, management, and production teams in the world of business, and in faith based organizations, with emphasis on marriage, family, and professional relationships.
Everyone is primarily motivated, at the core of their innate personality, by power (RED), intimacy (BLUE), peace (WHITE), or fun (YELLOW). Most of us represent a blend of the four colors. Our particular blend, when mixed with our unique life history, make us all.. one of a kind. One of our seminar attendees, Karolyn, wrote to me, “Color Code is not meant to confine or confuse, but to explain and enhance our understanding of ourselves and each other”. Well said!
When you understand the concept of Driving Core Motive, you can begin to adjust to the different way others see life. As Tim LaHaye wrote in Transforming Your Temperament, “Many a marriage battleground is transformed into a neutrality zone when two individuals learn to appreciate their partners temperament”. Motive training goes much deeper than mere behavior, and offers even further clarity on what Dr. John Gottman refers to as “Perpetual Problems”. The truth is, married couples and business associates often have conflict over the SAME things, over and over and over. Sixty nine percent of these perpetual problem conflicts have to do with our personality differences in perspective. Learning to take the other persons perspective is a key skill of emotional intelligence.
All the relationships of your life will be enhanced when you understand “The Why” behind the perspective and the behavior.
Then, and only then, will you be able to begin the process of “adjusting” your style of inter-acting, and communicating with someone who sees life different than you do, and more than likely speaks a different “color language” than you do.
Remember, the REDS and the WHITES take the perspective of logic. BLUES and YELLOWS are more emotional. REDS and BLUES are more comfortable when they feel a sense of control, while WHITES and YELLOWS are more comfortable when they are NOT being controlled.
It is not a question of who is better, or who is right or wrong. We are just different. None of us is smarter than all of us. We need each other.
So, let’s get started declaring a truce in the battleground of relationships, and, as was stated in the benediction of our recent Presidential Inauguration, “Let us turn TO each other, and stop turning ON each other”!
By Van Benson
In his life-changing book, “The People Code”, Dr. Taylor Hartman offers a fresh method for analyzing and identifying your own innate personality, as well as that of others.
James F. Hennig, Ph.D, who has studied behavior style for more than three decades, says, “I believe The People Code (Color Code system of Motive) stands head and shoulders above the others, and provides greater clarity and understanding than any program I’ve ever been exposed to”.
Motive Matters is a training and consulting company that teaches people about people. We do so with executive, management, and production teams in the world of business, and in faith based organizations, with emphasis on marriage, family, and professional relationships.
Everyone is primarily motivated, at the core of their innate personality, by power (RED), intimacy (BLUE), peace (WHITE), or fun (YELLOW). Most of us represent a blend of the four colors. Our particular blend, when mixed with our unique life history, make us all.. one of a kind. One of our seminar attendees, Karolyn, wrote to me, “Color Code is not meant to confine or confuse, but to explain and enhance our understanding of ourselves and each other”. Well said!
When you understand the concept of Driving Core Motive, you can begin to adjust to the different way others see life. As Tim LaHaye wrote in Transforming Your Temperament, “Many a marriage battleground is transformed into a neutrality zone when two individuals learn to appreciate their partners temperament”. Motive training goes much deeper than mere behavior, and offers even further clarity on what Dr. John Gottman refers to as “Perpetual Problems”. The truth is, married couples and business associates often have conflict over the SAME things, over and over and over. Sixty nine percent of these perpetual problem conflicts have to do with our personality differences in perspective. Learning to take the other persons perspective is a key skill of emotional intelligence.
All the relationships of your life will be enhanced when you understand “The Why” behind the perspective and the behavior.
Then, and only then, will you be able to begin the process of “adjusting” your style of inter-acting, and communicating with someone who sees life different than you do, and more than likely speaks a different “color language” than you do.
Remember, the REDS and the WHITES take the perspective of logic. BLUES and YELLOWS are more emotional. REDS and BLUES are more comfortable when they feel a sense of control, while WHITES and YELLOWS are more comfortable when they are NOT being controlled.
It is not a question of who is better, or who is right or wrong. We are just different. None of us is smarter than all of us. We need each other.
So, let’s get started declaring a truce in the battleground of relationships, and, as was stated in the benediction of our recent Presidential Inauguration, “Let us turn TO each other, and stop turning ON each other”!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
OPEN MOTIVE TRAINING SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Location - Joplin Board of Realtors conference room located at 7th and Florida. Parking in rear of white buiding. Cost is $10 per person. Native Americans admission is free. This training is funded by a grant obtained by The Miami Tribe of Oklahoma. We appreciate Chief Gamble and the support he and so many others at the Tribe are giving to help marriages and families stay together. Training fun begins at 4:00 P.M. and will conclude at 8:00 P.M. All are welcome. Bring a friend! Call 417-540-5166 for details.
Take your free Color Code test at www.motivematters.com.
Take your free Color Code test at www.motivematters.com.
Red Daughter, Blue Mother - conflict
Knowing motive matters helps solve conflicts and reduces recovery time from mis-communications
Red daughter had just completed printing a stack of documents. Blue Mom picked one of the papers up to inspect it. When she put it down Red daughter noticed a smudge from a fingerprint and tactlessly asserted in Red form, "Mom! I can't believe you got stuff all over it! Blue Mom said, "Well, I didn't do it on purpose! "I'll just print it over again", growed Red. "I am very sorry, but don't talk to me that way!", was Blues reply.
Thirty minutes later Blue Mom went up behind Red daughter sitting at the computer and printer and said, "I want to share something with you, you will find interesting. Are you still thinking about the fight we had 30 minutes ago? "
"Are you kidding me?" "What fight?" "Don't tell me you are...
"Yes, I am....... still thinking about it." Blue Mom has an "aha" moment and says, "I am so thankful to know we are just different!"
They both laughed, let it go, and had a great afternoon.
Motive does matter in relationships. Understanding how we see life different helps us be more gentle and forgiving of one another.
Red daughter had just completed printing a stack of documents. Blue Mom picked one of the papers up to inspect it. When she put it down Red daughter noticed a smudge from a fingerprint and tactlessly asserted in Red form, "Mom! I can't believe you got stuff all over it! Blue Mom said, "Well, I didn't do it on purpose! "I'll just print it over again", growed Red. "I am very sorry, but don't talk to me that way!", was Blues reply.
Thirty minutes later Blue Mom went up behind Red daughter sitting at the computer and printer and said, "I want to share something with you, you will find interesting. Are you still thinking about the fight we had 30 minutes ago? "
"Are you kidding me?" "What fight?" "Don't tell me you are...
"Yes, I am....... still thinking about it." Blue Mom has an "aha" moment and says, "I am so thankful to know we are just different!"
They both laughed, let it go, and had a great afternoon.
Motive does matter in relationships. Understanding how we see life different helps us be more gentle and forgiving of one another.
Don't sterotype, seek to identify the Core Motive.
Motive Matters, The Color Code and self awareness are the perfect tools for establishing a base line for self improvement. We shouldn't stereotype or label people, but we should seek to identify and then attune to others core motive, so that we may serve them by speaking their language, thereby building rapport, communication, empathy, and cooperation. This competency is key in building effective teams, both at home and in the work place. Doing so maximizes the gifts and strengths of all team members. When people live healthy and charactered, across the Color Code, the sum of the whole is greater than the parts. As the Japanese proverb says, "None of us is as smart as all of us." Van
Motive Matters - How important are limitations?
Motive matters. Compassion will help you value your strengths and your limitations cleanly and accurately.
Hi, friends, Van Benson here. :)
Dr. Taylor Hartman, in his new book, “Playing Life to Win”, writes, “Humble people learn to value both their strengths and their limitations.”
During a recent road trip, Tammy read to me from his book for nearly two entire days. I don't think “Playing Life to Win” is meant to be a quick read. I tried that the first time I read it. I loved it the first time through, but realized, the second time through, that I had missed many very important truths. Learning to “value your strengths AND your limitations” is one of those truths.
What does this mean?????
The first part, “value your strengths”, is the easiest, and perhaps more obvious. This is not to say that most people do this. In fact, one of the most gratifying things we experience as Color Code trainers, is when we see the light bulbs come on in people as they discover…often for the very first time…their innate (inborn) gifts and strengths. Reds realize that they DO have vision. They ARE productive and decisive and efficient. BLUES become aware that they ARE sincere and genuine and love to serve others. WHITES “get” they are smart, and capable and DO see things clearly and accurately. YELLOWS come to understand that they DO impact the world in a positive way, by cheering the rest of us on, with their enthusiasm and optimism.
Placing value on your strengths, and embracing the higher motives of service and love, empowers you to bring your gifts “on purpose”, and “with purpose”.
Humble people embrace AND value, BOTH, their strengths and their limitations…strong>with compassion.
How and WHY would I want to “value” my limitations???
Let’s think about this for a minute.
To place a value on something means, “to assess it’s worth or importance”.
Compassion is “a deep awareness of the suffering of another and the wish to relieve it.”
Having and “awareness” of the suffering of others is at the heart of the “SERVICE” motive.
Here is my current yellow perspective on valuing my strengths and limitations with compassion.
First, as a YELLOW, I must be aware that people are hurting out there. Smiles are highly contagious. The simple act of moving the facial muscles, in order to smile, triggers positive brain chemistry that stimulates the immune system and counteracts feelings of worry and depression. A word of encouragement, a little optimism, genuinely offered, can shine the light of life into a dark circumstance, or mood, of another, thereby relieving “suffering”, if even for a short while. For those of you who have heard me tell the story of my experience with “Dora, the hamburger cook”, you will understand how I am learning to bring “my gifts and strengths” with purpose…and on purpose. (This is a beautiful act of worship to the ONE who gave the gifts and strengths in the first place.)
Think about YOUR CORE COLOR, and consider assessing the worth...the importance... of your gifts and strengths. Consider the suffering of others…and your willingness to relieve it. How do you…or how can you relieve suffering by “bringing YOUR gifts to bless the lives of others”, as my friend Taylor Hartman like to say.
Now…to the less obvious application…valuing my limitations, and embracing them with compassion.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????????????
As a YELLOW, I do my strengths and limitations automatically. For 50 of my 53 years, I have lived out both, without even thinking about either one. Yes, I am generally happy, enthusiastic, optimistic, innovative, fun-loving, inclusive, and spontaneous. AND…YES, I am totally capable of being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined and obnoxious. (and a few more, as well).
Here is where the going can get tough for the “insecure” me.
HOW DO I ASSESS THE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE OF THE ABOVE LISTED LIMITATIONS??? Compassion... awareness of the suffering of others, and my wish to relieve it, is my best friend and colleague, IF, I am to face the truth about me, and the value...the importance... of my limitations.
IF…I am aware of the suffering of others…AND I wish to relieve it…I will face the fact that being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined, and obnoxious will, in fact, LIMIT my capacity to relieve the suffering of others.
Compassion motivates me to place importance on these limiting behaviors. They become so important, that I must commit to the process of beginning to defy them, and ultimately, over time, and with God’s help, to eliminate them altogether.
WHY?
Limitations are just that…limitations. They limit my effectiveness, as a person, in helping people.
REDS….do you see that being insensitive, arrogant, impatient, and always right is important? Important alright!…IMPORTANT TO ELIMINATE! They limit you from eliminating suffering to the very best of your ability.
BLUES…do you see your self-righteous attitude, unrealistic expectations, moodiness, hard to please, being judgemental and giving LOOONG lectures, is important? Yes,… important to begin to eliminate these things, because they hinder you from alleviating the suffering of others to the very best of your ability.
WHITES…………………OF COURSE, YOU SEE…haha….I know you do…and that is what I love about you.
(For the rest of you…WHITES see how being timid, silently stubborn, unmotivated, shy, uninvolved, and not speaking up, keeps them from helping others to the very best of their ability.)
Strengths and limitations are valuable...important. Maximize your strengths, minimize your limitations. Commit to the process of self control, and self improvement. Serve, love, and help people.
CAUTION: Motive Intelligence...Color Code... awareness..., and maturity is NOT an event. It is a process. It takes time. Be gracious and patient with yourself, and others, as you grow. Love you all!
Hi, friends, Van Benson here. :)
Dr. Taylor Hartman, in his new book, “Playing Life to Win”, writes, “Humble people learn to value both their strengths and their limitations.”
During a recent road trip, Tammy read to me from his book for nearly two entire days. I don't think “Playing Life to Win” is meant to be a quick read. I tried that the first time I read it. I loved it the first time through, but realized, the second time through, that I had missed many very important truths. Learning to “value your strengths AND your limitations” is one of those truths.
What does this mean?????
The first part, “value your strengths”, is the easiest, and perhaps more obvious. This is not to say that most people do this. In fact, one of the most gratifying things we experience as Color Code trainers, is when we see the light bulbs come on in people as they discover…often for the very first time…their innate (inborn) gifts and strengths. Reds realize that they DO have vision. They ARE productive and decisive and efficient. BLUES become aware that they ARE sincere and genuine and love to serve others. WHITES “get” they are smart, and capable and DO see things clearly and accurately. YELLOWS come to understand that they DO impact the world in a positive way, by cheering the rest of us on, with their enthusiasm and optimism.
Placing value on your strengths, and embracing the higher motives of service and love, empowers you to bring your gifts “on purpose”, and “with purpose”.
Humble people embrace AND value, BOTH, their strengths and their limitations…strong>with compassion.
How and WHY would I want to “value” my limitations???
Let’s think about this for a minute.
To place a value on something means, “to assess it’s worth or importance”.
Compassion is “a deep awareness of the suffering of another and the wish to relieve it.”
Having and “awareness” of the suffering of others is at the heart of the “SERVICE” motive.
Here is my current yellow perspective on valuing my strengths and limitations with compassion.
First, as a YELLOW, I must be aware that people are hurting out there. Smiles are highly contagious. The simple act of moving the facial muscles, in order to smile, triggers positive brain chemistry that stimulates the immune system and counteracts feelings of worry and depression. A word of encouragement, a little optimism, genuinely offered, can shine the light of life into a dark circumstance, or mood, of another, thereby relieving “suffering”, if even for a short while. For those of you who have heard me tell the story of my experience with “Dora, the hamburger cook”, you will understand how I am learning to bring “my gifts and strengths” with purpose…and on purpose. (This is a beautiful act of worship to the ONE who gave the gifts and strengths in the first place.)
Think about YOUR CORE COLOR, and consider assessing the worth...the importance... of your gifts and strengths. Consider the suffering of others…and your willingness to relieve it. How do you…or how can you relieve suffering by “bringing YOUR gifts to bless the lives of others”, as my friend Taylor Hartman like to say.
Now…to the less obvious application…valuing my limitations, and embracing them with compassion.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????????????
As a YELLOW, I do my strengths and limitations automatically. For 50 of my 53 years, I have lived out both, without even thinking about either one. Yes, I am generally happy, enthusiastic, optimistic, innovative, fun-loving, inclusive, and spontaneous. AND…YES, I am totally capable of being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined and obnoxious. (and a few more, as well).
Here is where the going can get tough for the “insecure” me.
HOW DO I ASSESS THE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE OF THE ABOVE LISTED LIMITATIONS??? Compassion... awareness of the suffering of others, and my wish to relieve it, is my best friend and colleague, IF, I am to face the truth about me, and the value...the importance... of my limitations.
IF…I am aware of the suffering of others…AND I wish to relieve it…I will face the fact that being disorganized, impulsive, self-centered, unfocused, flighty, undisciplined, and obnoxious will, in fact, LIMIT my capacity to relieve the suffering of others.
Compassion motivates me to place importance on these limiting behaviors. They become so important, that I must commit to the process of beginning to defy them, and ultimately, over time, and with God’s help, to eliminate them altogether.
WHY?
Limitations are just that…limitations. They limit my effectiveness, as a person, in helping people.
REDS….do you see that being insensitive, arrogant, impatient, and always right is important? Important alright!…IMPORTANT TO ELIMINATE! They limit you from eliminating suffering to the very best of your ability.
BLUES…do you see your self-righteous attitude, unrealistic expectations, moodiness, hard to please, being judgemental and giving LOOONG lectures, is important? Yes,… important to begin to eliminate these things, because they hinder you from alleviating the suffering of others to the very best of your ability.
WHITES…………………OF COURSE, YOU SEE…haha….I know you do…and that is what I love about you.
(For the rest of you…WHITES see how being timid, silently stubborn, unmotivated, shy, uninvolved, and not speaking up, keeps them from helping others to the very best of their ability.)
Strengths and limitations are valuable...important. Maximize your strengths, minimize your limitations. Commit to the process of self control, and self improvement. Serve, love, and help people.
CAUTION: Motive Intelligence...Color Code... awareness..., and maturity is NOT an event. It is a process. It takes time. Be gracious and patient with yourself, and others, as you grow. Love you all!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Large Earth, Small World with Relationships
From Susie C. (Missouri) - Blue with secondary Yellow
Hello fellow bloggers – For those of you who read this blog regularly, you might remember that I had the privilege of going on a mission trip last summer to Goma, Congo. It was one of those life-changing experiences where I felt that I literally rubbed shoulders with Holy Spirit and fell in love with His African children.
Anyway, following my return in June, I began to diligently try to find a job. I had been unemployed since May, but didn’t feel it would be fair to take a new job and then be gone for 3 weeks, and I certainly wasn’t going to cancel the Africa trip. I sent out dozens of resumes and interviewed several places, but could just never find the right job. In desperation, I even tried a call center job. I couldn’t do it. Boy, do I have respect for those who can.
In December I drove to Dallas to go to work for my daughter who needed some interim help in her clinic (and I needed the money) and as luck would have it, I received a call actually in the car and on the way to Dallas about a possible job at St. John’s Hospital where I had worked back in the 80’s/90’s. I told them that I could not interview for three weeks and was afraid that would ruin my chances at the job. They continued to interview others and scheduled my interview for the 19th, the day of my return to Missouri.
Well, long-story-short, I got the job and it is PERFECT! It is in the not-for-profit foundation arm of the hospital which greatly interested me following the experience in Africa. It is only 32 hours per week, but with full benefits, so I was just praising God and thanking Him for answering my prayers so deliberately. OK, now here comes the fun part and the part about relationships and Our Father’s planning. I went to get the required immunizations for working in a hospital environment and while doing that, one of my friends mentioned that the new Priest at the hospital was from Africa. I became very excited and said, “Oh, I must meet him!” I went to his quarters and knocked on the door. This wonderful African voice said “welcome.” I entered speaking the very little Swahili that I remembered. His wonderful smile met my eyes which were full of tears that God had brought us together, we embraced, and there’s no doubt in my mind that we will be forever friends. I told him that I had been to Goma, and he said (you’re not going to believe this), “I was born in Goma.” Now, how is that for God’s timing and planning? After months, He put me in a job where I could have a relationship with a brother from the other side of the world. We understand each other. We’ve seen the same things. I think we will be great encouragement for each other to go about God’s work. Thank you, God, for this new relationship. We just have to be open for it and God will provide because I think He loves to bring his children together.
Susie Crutcher
Hello fellow bloggers – For those of you who read this blog regularly, you might remember that I had the privilege of going on a mission trip last summer to Goma, Congo. It was one of those life-changing experiences where I felt that I literally rubbed shoulders with Holy Spirit and fell in love with His African children.
Anyway, following my return in June, I began to diligently try to find a job. I had been unemployed since May, but didn’t feel it would be fair to take a new job and then be gone for 3 weeks, and I certainly wasn’t going to cancel the Africa trip. I sent out dozens of resumes and interviewed several places, but could just never find the right job. In desperation, I even tried a call center job. I couldn’t do it. Boy, do I have respect for those who can.
In December I drove to Dallas to go to work for my daughter who needed some interim help in her clinic (and I needed the money) and as luck would have it, I received a call actually in the car and on the way to Dallas about a possible job at St. John’s Hospital where I had worked back in the 80’s/90’s. I told them that I could not interview for three weeks and was afraid that would ruin my chances at the job. They continued to interview others and scheduled my interview for the 19th, the day of my return to Missouri.
Well, long-story-short, I got the job and it is PERFECT! It is in the not-for-profit foundation arm of the hospital which greatly interested me following the experience in Africa. It is only 32 hours per week, but with full benefits, so I was just praising God and thanking Him for answering my prayers so deliberately. OK, now here comes the fun part and the part about relationships and Our Father’s planning. I went to get the required immunizations for working in a hospital environment and while doing that, one of my friends mentioned that the new Priest at the hospital was from Africa. I became very excited and said, “Oh, I must meet him!” I went to his quarters and knocked on the door. This wonderful African voice said “welcome.” I entered speaking the very little Swahili that I remembered. His wonderful smile met my eyes which were full of tears that God had brought us together, we embraced, and there’s no doubt in my mind that we will be forever friends. I told him that I had been to Goma, and he said (you’re not going to believe this), “I was born in Goma.” Now, how is that for God’s timing and planning? After months, He put me in a job where I could have a relationship with a brother from the other side of the world. We understand each other. We’ve seen the same things. I think we will be great encouragement for each other to go about God’s work. Thank you, God, for this new relationship. We just have to be open for it and God will provide because I think He loves to bring his children together.
Susie Crutcher
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