When is the mission accomplished?

Blue Tammy has just returned from 4 days in Tulsa with our 16 year old white daughter Stefany attending Fellowship of Christian Cheerleaders. (Now that’s an organization we should all be members of!)
While she was gone, my secondary Red influenced me to get a lot of “stuff” done around the house. I layed bricks on our porch that had succumbed to the winter freeze and broken off. I cut and trimmed all the grass. I trimmed trees. I made the bed…big deal for yellow…cleaned the kitchen…bigger deal for yellow…even did a load of laundry…borders on miracle for yellow man. Tammy and I were both pretty tired and spent when she arrived home about 5:00 o’clock Thursday.
Friday morning while relaxing on the deck she says, “You kinda hurt my feelings yesterday”. “I did?”…How?...please tell me”.
“I started to show you pictures from camp, and tell you all about the wonderful time of connection I had with our daughter and all the girls, and you seemed disinterested”. “It made me feel unimportant”.
Motive Moment…She really did appreciate all the “things” I had done around the house, she did praise me for all my work! But in the end, as a Blue she “needed” to be understood, accepted, and appreciated. She needed some of my undivided attention, listening from my heart, to what she was feeling in her heart.
Reds love you by doing and providing. Blues NEED connection from the heart.
A RED once asked me, “When do you get to the place where a blue feels understood…like mission accomplished”. I replied, “When do you Reds feel like you’ve been respected enough, so the rest of us can feel like mission accomplished?”
Needs and wants are 24-7-365. Creating successful relationships is a journey of a lifetime. An exciting journey, full of wonder.

You may make a Blue feel understood at 9:00 o’clock, but guess what, they will still need to be understood at 9:15. The needs and wants of the rest of the colors work the same way.

We see life different. Good relationships happen when we make life about the other person, speak their language, and serve their needs and wants in love.

Call me WHITE, because I am.

My Dearest Tammy and Van,
I have to thank you and color code. I went to a wedding today for someone that was a friend while I was in high school. Her whole family was a big part of my life growing up. I just wanted you to know that prior to color code I would have talked myself out of going. Call me white because I am. I definitely allowed my fears to keep me from others. I have not always been this way. I was very outgoing in high school but I have allowed events in my life to build a wall of fear to contain me. I used my responsibilities of family life to keep me from experiencing life as an individual. I have truly missed all the people that were very dear to me while I was growing up. I can't quite describe the feeling. I had to overcome some fears of inadequacies to enjoy my life and to serve others. How rude of me to withhold myself from the people that were so much a part of my young life.

I wish the evening could have lasted a little longer. Goodnight.

Developing Character

Developing character (learning to embrace and learn the strengths and gifts of colors outside your core color) is hard work. And, it can be scary. Trust me, I can DO Yellow...no problem. But finishing something I start...doing the job with the best quality...remembering where I put my car keys...at times seems impossible.
This is what I have decided to do. This is what I tell myself, "Don’t wait to feel powerful or confident. Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings. This is how you cooperate with your desire to grow, and it is how your character develops."

STAY THE COURSE!

Remember your personality and your automatics are very strong and we easily fall back into the ruts we are used to traveling in life. The work of stretching outside our comfort zone (our rut) is hard work and requires our determination, our desire, our self control and our conscious decision to CHOOSE the charactered path.

Life is all about creating great relationships. The three gifts for the journey, HUMILITY, COURAGE, AND GRACE, will help you as you continue to walk in the HIGHER MOTIVES of SERVICE AND LOVE! Continue to do your work and remain 100% responsible for creating and sustaining a good relationship with all the people in your life.

Color Code and Motive Training is not a quick fix, it is a new way of seeing life, seeing ourself, and seeing others. It is a wonderful tool that will help you as you “do life!” When you are serving others by meeting their needs and wants, by living in your strengths, and by making the ultimate motive in your life….LOVE, your relationships will grow and you will create a lasting legacy of great relationships, and a life well lived!

I KNOW that as you begin to value and appreciate the wonderful gifts of the people in your life… as you begin to understanding that people see, hear, and feel life differently,….when you begin to focus on the wonderful strengths others bring to your relationships….and as you learn to identify and defy your automatic “wall building” behaviors,…. YOU WILL, as Van and I did, begin to reap the rewards of a GREAT MARRIAGE and GREAT RELATIONSHIPS!

Bless you as you travel!

Thank you, MO DOMH!

Last week, Tammy and I, had the privilege of sharing the message of relationships based on Motive (The People Code / The Color Code) at Innsbrook MO to the Executive Team, Commissioners, and Staff of the Missouri Department of Mental Health at their annual retreat.

Tammy and I were so impressed by their professionalism, their courtesy and willingness to participate, and their character.

It was a special opportunity to share our experiences of how the understanding of Motive, helped Tammy and I restore, create, and sustain our marriage relationship. These people have developed successful careers, are tops in their respective fields, and give of themselves to help and heal hurting and broken people every day. Being among people of such credentials reminded us that our greatest credential for training relationships is our own failures.

A special "Thank you" to the men and women of The Missouri Department of Mental Health.

The truth is we all struggle, from time to time, with relationships. We must never underestimate the power of committment to see us through challenging times. Love, the feeling, almost always follows love, the choice and behavior. Stay the course...work...stretch...serve...and love well. The reward found in relationship is the gift of the essense of "Life" itself. Life is all about relationships!

A new member of our Family!

Life is all about relationships.

Today, my sister Susie (Core Blue with secondary Yellow) taught us just how true that statement is. Susie recently spent a week in Africa serving and loving people. While there she met Didier. Didier (pronounced Didyay) is 22 years old and has been an orphan most of his life. His life was spared, as a child, by hiding under the dead bodies of his parents after they were slaughtered by rebels in this most troubled part of the world.

Didier and Susie created a relationship. He asked if he could be her son. Would she be his Mama? Of course Susie was pleased to say yes. So, I have a new nephew, and brother, in Africa.

This is an email he wrote to his new Mama yesterday. It is a MUST READ, and speaks volumes about what the ultimate MOTIVE for living…LOVE…and LIFE is really all about. Thank you, Susie.

Dear Mama,
I first of all inform you that I am well satisfied of the whole labour than on my behalf, Mama; I don't know how I can show my gratefulness in the short letter as such. I feel your affection, love in my heart. I saw the picture of my whole family and I was very pleased. You will tell to all tat I love them so much. I a planning one day to see them. I have faith in God that one day I will be with them. Mama don’t be afraid I will obey you in my all student an professional life. I will follow all your advices. I will accept all your calling in term of need. You are the person I love so much though the far distance I am with you in spiritual realms even in my all thoughts. You can’t have a sleep because of me who is your son, I will never stop thinking *g about your contacts that you had became of the parenthood towards me. It will be a very big history to generation and generations, In Africa an in USA. I accept that it was at the last minutes that we let its was God Plan. Be sure and conscientious that I have all my confidence in you. That is why I have accepted to tell you all secret that are inside me. The Lord chose you to be my mother and my family. I will never fear nothing. I have faith that I will be a man who will represent you in Africa. Because I do not have any other member in Africa. I love you so well. I will write to entire family to whom you gave me the emails address and I will reserve copies to you.
Thank you, I will follow all you told me regarding my family.
You will read in the Bible in Ruth 1:16, 17,18
Your family is my family regarding God and You. I keep wait the package that you sent me. Would you send me your photo, together with Daddy so that I may be able to identify you well. Mama, I want to talk to you something wonderful which I did not live in Africa, Mama, at my current age, I have 22 years, I never seen or hear people saying about my grand parents in Africa. There is no, any history about them. Today I get my parents in USA. Ooh! Glory be to God. God who spared me to the terrific war, he wants to slow me the wonders of this world. I will glorify you in my all life. I will never hide all that you are showing me. I will testify it in the whole world. I will embrace them, here I say on my grand parents, grant mother and grand daddy BENSON. Mum, tell them that I need to see their picture and if they can tell me in short about their story or if they have written any book, they can send me a copy. It will help me to know them spiritually, historically and physically. Mama, tell them that I have said that they are the blessed people as Abraham as they reach this age. At the moment I telling I am also blessed to get my parents in the USA, Mama tell them that I wish them good health forever. I am attached to them, I thank them or having sent me things which will support my studies.
May the Lord bless them.
Please excuse me because I replied in late.
Thank you
May God bless you
Your son
Didier

Oh, the wonder of secondary colors!

Van, I made a comment during your Motive Matters class tonight and you asked me to post it on your blog. Being blue, I didn't forget, so here goes:

My husband is yellow with less than 1/2 percentage point to his secondary color, which is blue. As a result, he carries grudges but does not remember what it's about. After I made my comment tonight, my husband leaned over and said to me: "Consequently, I'm often in emotional pain and honestly can't tell you why!" Have fun with this one!

Thank you to all the men and women who have paid and are paying the price for us to enjoy freedom today with our families. As you laugh today, hug today, play today….with every bite of those charbroiled hot dogs…be thankful for the sacrifice of so many, who have given so much, for the cause of liberty. Freedom is not free.
Here is a link to a beautiful and thought provoking video created by my son Gregory Fish. Hope you enjoy it. Have a wonderful day of freedom.
http://www.sermonspice.com/videos/9347/freedom-is-not-free

30th Anniversary Celebration!

Last night was absolutely amazing!

Tammy and I were scheduled to do the final session of Motive Matters training with about 90 of the most beautiful people we have ever met. When the Pastor of Damascus Road Outreach, discovered it was our 30th Wedding Anniversary, he offered to postpone for a week so we could be together to celebrate.

“No way!”, we said. We had already talked and decided we couldn’t think of any place we would rather be, than with this group, training them in The Color Code, the very tool that helped us so much in the past 5 years.

At the beginning of the meeting, I opened the floor for anyone who wanted to share about how The Color Code had helped them. One after another they came to the microphone and told stories that humbled us so deeply. A Red mother who has come to understand her White teenage daughter. A White teenage daughter who is getting along so much better with her Red mom. A Yellow husband and Blue wife who have endured a lot of conflict in their marriage, who said they now understand each other and their life together is already sooooo much better. A Red Dad who has color coded all 5 of his children and is taking the time to connect with them individually.

Special thank you to Bonnie and Tommy for the beautiful red, blue, white, and yellow flower arrangement, and to T.J., our son, for 5 hours in the kitchen baking those delicious red, blue, white, and yellow cupcakes! You guys are the greatest!

A Special thank you for each and every hug that came from you special people at DRO. We love you so much.

I just want to say a deep and sincere thank you to Dr. Taylor Hartman for the blessing you are in so many lives. Thank you for writing The People Code. It has helped me restore my marriage and has brought such harmony, understanding, and love to our entire family.

I know Taylor’s heart. He, in his humble, loving way, would say, “You did the work, no one could deserve it more”.

Do your work! Stretch! Serve the needs of others! May love be the motive that drives us at our core.
Life is all about relationships!