Moving empathy to sympathy

em·pa·thy (µm“p…-th¶) n. 1. Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.
sym·pa·thy (s¹m“p…-th¶) 1.a. A relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other. b. Mutual understanding or affection arising from this relationship or affinity.

The third skill of EI (Emotional Intelligence) is Empathy, the ability to feel what others are feeling.
Just knowing that you have that capacity can change your relationship life. You must develop this skill in order to move to the fifth skill of EI which is “The art of managing emotions in others…the art of relationships.”
Empathy and sympathy are related words, but there is a difference that is significant.
Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, reminds us that we are instructed to be sympathetic. (Col. 3.12) Sympathy is like empathy on steroids. It is good to be empathetic, it is better to be sympathetic. Empathy is like knowledge, sympathy is like empathy with legs. Empathy acknowledges the feelings of another, sympathy moves you to be “affected” by the acknowledgment of those feeling and to share the joy or the burden of those feelings in what we call fellowship and relationship.
Warren writes, “Sympathy meets two fundamental human needs: the need to be understood and the need to have your feelings validated.”
“Every time you understand and affirm someone’s feelings, you build fellowship. The problem is that we’re often in such a hurry to fix things that we don’t have time to sympathize with people. Or we’re preoccupied with our own hurts. Self-pity dries up sympathy for others.”
Being in a hurry (RED), or self centeredness (YELLOW), or being reluctant (WHITE) will ruin opportunities in which you can DEVELOP your number 3 and 5 skills of Emotional Intelligence.
We should be reminded that each and every time we practice a skill of EI, neural pathways are created and expanded. In simple terms, if you are learning to be a good listener, every time you stretch and do the hard work of paying attention to what someone else is saying, you physiologically become a better listener. It gets easier!
The higher motive of charactered living that moves empathy to sympathy and relationship is love.