Romans 26-28 (Message Bible) Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
To all our cracked pot friends....bless you!Saturday, August 23, 2008
The Cracked Pot
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Moving empathy to sympathy
em·pa·thy (µm“p…-th¶) n. 1. Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.
sym·pa·thy (s¹m“p…-th¶) 1.a. A relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other. b. Mutual understanding or affection arising from this relationship or affinity.
The third skill of EI (Emotional Intelligence) is Empathy, the ability to feel what others are feeling.
Just knowing that you have that capacity can change your relationship life. You must develop this skill in order to move to the fifth skill of EI which is “The art of managing emotions in others…the art of relationships.”
Empathy and sympathy are related words, but there is a difference that is significant.
Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, reminds us that we are instructed to be sympathetic. (Col. 3.12) Sympathy is like empathy on steroids. It is good to be empathetic, it is better to be sympathetic. Empathy is like knowledge, sympathy is like empathy with legs. Empathy acknowledges the feelings of another, sympathy moves you to be “affected” by the acknowledgment of those feeling and to share the joy or the burden of those feelings in what we call fellowship and relationship.
Warren writes, “Sympathy meets two fundamental human needs: the need to be understood and the need to have your feelings validated.”
“Every time you understand and affirm someone’s feelings, you build fellowship. The problem is that we’re often in such a hurry to fix things that we don’t have time to sympathize with people. Or we’re preoccupied with our own hurts. Self-pity dries up sympathy for others.”
Being in a hurry (RED), or self centeredness (YELLOW), or being reluctant (WHITE) will ruin opportunities in which you can DEVELOP your number 3 and 5 skills of Emotional Intelligence.
We should be reminded that each and every time we practice a skill of EI, neural pathways are created and expanded. In simple terms, if you are learning to be a good listener, every time you stretch and do the hard work of paying attention to what someone else is saying, you physiologically become a better listener. It gets easier!
The higher motive of charactered living that moves empathy to sympathy and relationship is love.
sym·pa·thy (s¹m“p…-th¶) 1.a. A relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other. b. Mutual understanding or affection arising from this relationship or affinity.
The third skill of EI (Emotional Intelligence) is Empathy, the ability to feel what others are feeling.
Just knowing that you have that capacity can change your relationship life. You must develop this skill in order to move to the fifth skill of EI which is “The art of managing emotions in others…the art of relationships.”
Empathy and sympathy are related words, but there is a difference that is significant.
Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, reminds us that we are instructed to be sympathetic. (Col. 3.12) Sympathy is like empathy on steroids. It is good to be empathetic, it is better to be sympathetic. Empathy is like knowledge, sympathy is like empathy with legs. Empathy acknowledges the feelings of another, sympathy moves you to be “affected” by the acknowledgment of those feeling and to share the joy or the burden of those feelings in what we call fellowship and relationship.
Warren writes, “Sympathy meets two fundamental human needs: the need to be understood and the need to have your feelings validated.”
“Every time you understand and affirm someone’s feelings, you build fellowship. The problem is that we’re often in such a hurry to fix things that we don’t have time to sympathize with people. Or we’re preoccupied with our own hurts. Self-pity dries up sympathy for others.”
Being in a hurry (RED), or self centeredness (YELLOW), or being reluctant (WHITE) will ruin opportunities in which you can DEVELOP your number 3 and 5 skills of Emotional Intelligence.
We should be reminded that each and every time we practice a skill of EI, neural pathways are created and expanded. In simple terms, if you are learning to be a good listener, every time you stretch and do the hard work of paying attention to what someone else is saying, you physiologically become a better listener. It gets easier!
The higher motive of charactered living that moves empathy to sympathy and relationship is love.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Red (female) White (male) RESPECT
Respect in a Red (female) – White (male) Relationship
When a red does something, they look for respect. When a white does something, they look for respect. So how can two logical colors who desire the same thing be at such odds? The answer may lie in their secondary colors, but you can often find it when you look deeper into their core motives. Reds are so productive, moving from A to B, demanding the respect along the way, and then moving on to the next project. Whites have the clarity to step back and determine what is the right decision rather than just simply making one to make one, but will also take into consideration what makes them feel best inside and what creates the least friction. They too want respect, but they will not ask for it. Instead, they will be more resistant to offering their clear perspective on the Red’s next project, playing the passive-aggressive role that drives Reds nuts until they either get the respect they want or realize in their seemingly infinite clarity that their performance on the Red’s next project is more important than waiting around for that respect that may never come. However, don’t forget that this trade-off still adds to the bag that Whites carry with them wherever they go. The Red may continue to get what they want, but this will not last if they don’t stop and realize that theirs is not the only agenda.
This may seem to be a fairly common combination in today’s society where the male is the dominant partner and the female is the submissive one. But what happens when the woman is the Red and the man is White? The answer as we have heard before is that personality is not gender-specific. In one particular relationship that I know like this, the Red woman is in fact the one earning the income, moving from A to B, staying busy, and getting things done. The White shows his appreciation and perhaps being the best one to understand how she needs respect since he does too, but somehow he feels like he does not get that same respect reciprocated back to him. It is not the Red wife’s intention to be hurtful or domineering in any way, nor necessarily even an attempt to try to defy societal gender stereotypes, but rather to show her love and appreciation for their partner and family by staying productive and financially providing for them. Don’t mistake this for Blue martyrdom, because it is really the intense and unmatchable focus of a Red who loves a good challenge.
Unfortunately the White can feel left in the Red’s wake, standing there with their arms stretched out to the sides as if to sarcastically say “Ummm, you’re welcome!?” or “OK, I did for you, now what about me?” The Red takes what they need, offers a simple yet often seemingly non-heartfelt thank you, and moves on. If the White has any secondary blue, he immediately recognizes the lack of true emotion, and will sit stubbornly at point A until the Red turns back and hastily tries to pick up after herself, or the White’s logic takes back over and realizes that getting to point B and moving on is more important at that moment than his emotion that just popped up. No one ever really notices it, but now the White doesn’t feel good inside. They may reluctantly keep moving forward, but again do not mistake this for Blue martyrdom. This is still one of the major downfalls of Whites because not only will they constantly feel disrespected, put down, and bad inside, but when the Red does this enough times and fills the White’s bag, he is bound to explode. And we all know what an unpleasant thing that is, even for a Red.
When the White realizes that he has no time to stop and passive-aggressively wait for that ever-so-needed respect, he will set his emotions and his agenda aside and once again “take one for the team”. The Red doesn’t realize it, but they can doubly add to the White’s bag in this situation. In their desire to always be right they often will try to one-up the White and shove it in their face that they were right and that he just needs to fall in line and do what she says. Instead of taking advantage of this opportunity to hear the White out and at the very least offer them the respect of their opinion, the Red has a tendency to stomp it out, or even if they do give the White five seconds to give their perspective, they simply tune it out and think of what they will say in response instead of listening. The White is stuck between a rock and a hard place because he knows that giving in to a Red is not always the best option, but at the same time he knows that it will keep the wheels greased at the expense of feeding her Red ego.
So how does one solve this dilemma? Well as the Color Code teaches, we all must strive to become more charactered individuals and stretch beyond our core color’s comfort zones by acting in our own strengths and in the strengths of the other colors. If the Red will make an effort to slow down at times and make the White more comfortable in their own skin while showing them the same respect that they want, they will help to lighten the White’s bag and make them much more apt to helping the Red get things done and do them more efficiently. On the flip side, if the White will make an effort to speed up at times and help the Red by eliminating the unnecessary emotion from important decisions, they will relieve some of the stress on the Red to get things done and allow the Red to either move on to the next project or give them a chance to stop and recharge their batteries so that they can keep moving. As in any relationship there must be a fair amount of both give and take. In the Red-White relationship, no matter who is what gender, there can often be a lot of White giving and Red taking. But if they can each make a conscious effort to create more of a balance in this flow, their clairvoyant power makes them perhaps the most diplomatically productive combination you will ever see.
When a red does something, they look for respect. When a white does something, they look for respect. So how can two logical colors who desire the same thing be at such odds? The answer may lie in their secondary colors, but you can often find it when you look deeper into their core motives. Reds are so productive, moving from A to B, demanding the respect along the way, and then moving on to the next project. Whites have the clarity to step back and determine what is the right decision rather than just simply making one to make one, but will also take into consideration what makes them feel best inside and what creates the least friction. They too want respect, but they will not ask for it. Instead, they will be more resistant to offering their clear perspective on the Red’s next project, playing the passive-aggressive role that drives Reds nuts until they either get the respect they want or realize in their seemingly infinite clarity that their performance on the Red’s next project is more important than waiting around for that respect that may never come. However, don’t forget that this trade-off still adds to the bag that Whites carry with them wherever they go. The Red may continue to get what they want, but this will not last if they don’t stop and realize that theirs is not the only agenda.
This may seem to be a fairly common combination in today’s society where the male is the dominant partner and the female is the submissive one. But what happens when the woman is the Red and the man is White? The answer as we have heard before is that personality is not gender-specific. In one particular relationship that I know like this, the Red woman is in fact the one earning the income, moving from A to B, staying busy, and getting things done. The White shows his appreciation and perhaps being the best one to understand how she needs respect since he does too, but somehow he feels like he does not get that same respect reciprocated back to him. It is not the Red wife’s intention to be hurtful or domineering in any way, nor necessarily even an attempt to try to defy societal gender stereotypes, but rather to show her love and appreciation for their partner and family by staying productive and financially providing for them. Don’t mistake this for Blue martyrdom, because it is really the intense and unmatchable focus of a Red who loves a good challenge.
Unfortunately the White can feel left in the Red’s wake, standing there with their arms stretched out to the sides as if to sarcastically say “Ummm, you’re welcome!?” or “OK, I did for you, now what about me?” The Red takes what they need, offers a simple yet often seemingly non-heartfelt thank you, and moves on. If the White has any secondary blue, he immediately recognizes the lack of true emotion, and will sit stubbornly at point A until the Red turns back and hastily tries to pick up after herself, or the White’s logic takes back over and realizes that getting to point B and moving on is more important at that moment than his emotion that just popped up. No one ever really notices it, but now the White doesn’t feel good inside. They may reluctantly keep moving forward, but again do not mistake this for Blue martyrdom. This is still one of the major downfalls of Whites because not only will they constantly feel disrespected, put down, and bad inside, but when the Red does this enough times and fills the White’s bag, he is bound to explode. And we all know what an unpleasant thing that is, even for a Red.
When the White realizes that he has no time to stop and passive-aggressively wait for that ever-so-needed respect, he will set his emotions and his agenda aside and once again “take one for the team”. The Red doesn’t realize it, but they can doubly add to the White’s bag in this situation. In their desire to always be right they often will try to one-up the White and shove it in their face that they were right and that he just needs to fall in line and do what she says. Instead of taking advantage of this opportunity to hear the White out and at the very least offer them the respect of their opinion, the Red has a tendency to stomp it out, or even if they do give the White five seconds to give their perspective, they simply tune it out and think of what they will say in response instead of listening. The White is stuck between a rock and a hard place because he knows that giving in to a Red is not always the best option, but at the same time he knows that it will keep the wheels greased at the expense of feeding her Red ego.
So how does one solve this dilemma? Well as the Color Code teaches, we all must strive to become more charactered individuals and stretch beyond our core color’s comfort zones by acting in our own strengths and in the strengths of the other colors. If the Red will make an effort to slow down at times and make the White more comfortable in their own skin while showing them the same respect that they want, they will help to lighten the White’s bag and make them much more apt to helping the Red get things done and do them more efficiently. On the flip side, if the White will make an effort to speed up at times and help the Red by eliminating the unnecessary emotion from important decisions, they will relieve some of the stress on the Red to get things done and allow the Red to either move on to the next project or give them a chance to stop and recharge their batteries so that they can keep moving. As in any relationship there must be a fair amount of both give and take. In the Red-White relationship, no matter who is what gender, there can often be a lot of White giving and Red taking. But if they can each make a conscious effort to create more of a balance in this flow, their clairvoyant power makes them perhaps the most diplomatically productive combination you will ever see.
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