I am a yellow married to a blue. I want to share with you two of the most important truths I am learning from Motive Training and The Color Code.
1.) Blues NEED to be understood.
2.) Yellows are self-centered.
When you combine two humans in a relationship with these two facts, the walls can go up in a hurry.
1.) Blues NEED to be understood.
2.) Yellows are self-centered.
When you combine two humans in a relationship with these two facts, the walls can go up in a hurry.
When I (yellow) come home from work and ask her how her day went, guess what? She actually wants to tell me! Ugh! I was just being polite! Look what I got myself into! Now, I have to sit down and play like I am paying attention. This is hard to do when I haven’t caught the evening news yet, I am hungry and thirsty, and what I would really like to do is go get on my tractor and relax.
But being a good color code citizen, I try my best to listen.
But being a good color code citizen, I try my best to listen.
Oh no! Bill O’Reilly is on! “Hang on a second sweetheart, I just want to hear Bill’s talking points”.
Big mistake.
“It’s OK honey, maybe we can talk later. You go ahead and watch your TV show”.
Not good.
“You just blew it yellow”, I tell myself.
“You sure did, Mr. Self-Centered”, myself replies.
You see, there is NO WAY for me to understand my blue wife without taking the time to listen to her. Note: I did not say “hear” her. There is a BIG difference between hearing words…some of the words…between distractions, which we yellows are so inordinately prone to, and LISTENING FOR UNDERSTANDING.
So, here is what I did, and still do on occasion.
I turn off the TV, sit down, face my wife, and put my hands over the tops of my eyes, as if shielding them from the sun. Now I have my blinders on. I purposely shut off the outside world, both sights and sounds so that I can focus my attention on what my wife is truly saying.
Some of you blues who are reading may be thinking “this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!” Before you wander off too far down that trail,, you should understand that my blue wife knows I am yellow…self-centered…and easily distracted. She knows that I am learning about the needs and wants of blues. She is my partner in my personal growth process. She knows I sincerely want to do better to meet her needs. So…although she smiles at my technique initially, she quickly realizes that it is working…for both of us!
Weeks and months have gone by. I have continued to “do my work” of becoming a good listener. I seldom need my blinders nowdays, however I DO squint my eyes to remind myself to pay good attention when she is sharing her thoughts and feelings with me. I do get an occasional “stay with me” from her when she knows I am struggling. To her credit, she is doing her work by shortening her stories a bit, out of respect and understanding of my core color.
Do your work. Serve each other’s needs and wants. Remember…it’s NOT all about you!
And all the Blues and Whites said,…”Amen”.
And all the Reds and Yellows said…Ugh!
Big mistake.
“It’s OK honey, maybe we can talk later. You go ahead and watch your TV show”.
Not good.
“You just blew it yellow”, I tell myself.
“You sure did, Mr. Self-Centered”, myself replies.
You see, there is NO WAY for me to understand my blue wife without taking the time to listen to her. Note: I did not say “hear” her. There is a BIG difference between hearing words…some of the words…between distractions, which we yellows are so inordinately prone to, and LISTENING FOR UNDERSTANDING.
So, here is what I did, and still do on occasion.
I turn off the TV, sit down, face my wife, and put my hands over the tops of my eyes, as if shielding them from the sun. Now I have my blinders on. I purposely shut off the outside world, both sights and sounds so that I can focus my attention on what my wife is truly saying.
Some of you blues who are reading may be thinking “this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!” Before you wander off too far down that trail,, you should understand that my blue wife knows I am yellow…self-centered…and easily distracted. She knows that I am learning about the needs and wants of blues. She is my partner in my personal growth process. She knows I sincerely want to do better to meet her needs. So…although she smiles at my technique initially, she quickly realizes that it is working…for both of us!
Weeks and months have gone by. I have continued to “do my work” of becoming a good listener. I seldom need my blinders nowdays, however I DO squint my eyes to remind myself to pay good attention when she is sharing her thoughts and feelings with me. I do get an occasional “stay with me” from her when she knows I am struggling. To her credit, she is doing her work by shortening her stories a bit, out of respect and understanding of my core color.
Do your work. Serve each other’s needs and wants. Remember…it’s NOT all about you!
And all the Blues and Whites said,…”Amen”.
And all the Reds and Yellows said…Ugh!
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