Q - How many BLUES does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Already done. Would you like something to drink? Is it warm enough in here for you. Would you like for me to take your coat?
Q - How many REDS does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. You only report to them.
Q - How many WHITES does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - What's the problem. I kind of like it the way it is.
Q - How many YELLOWS does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - Honey, I bought us a new lamp! That one was broken.
Monday, June 30, 2008
I HEAR YOU!
I am a yellow married to a blue. I want to share with you two of the most important truths I am learning from Motive Training and The Color Code.
1.) Blues NEED to be understood.
2.) Yellows are self-centered.
When you combine two humans in a relationship with these two facts, the walls can go up in a hurry.
1.) Blues NEED to be understood.
2.) Yellows are self-centered.
When you combine two humans in a relationship with these two facts, the walls can go up in a hurry.
When I (yellow) come home from work and ask her how her day went, guess what? She actually wants to tell me! Ugh! I was just being polite! Look what I got myself into! Now, I have to sit down and play like I am paying attention. This is hard to do when I haven’t caught the evening news yet, I am hungry and thirsty, and what I would really like to do is go get on my tractor and relax.
But being a good color code citizen, I try my best to listen.
But being a good color code citizen, I try my best to listen.
Oh no! Bill O’Reilly is on! “Hang on a second sweetheart, I just want to hear Bill’s talking points”.
Big mistake.
“It’s OK honey, maybe we can talk later. You go ahead and watch your TV show”.
Not good.
“You just blew it yellow”, I tell myself.
“You sure did, Mr. Self-Centered”, myself replies.
You see, there is NO WAY for me to understand my blue wife without taking the time to listen to her. Note: I did not say “hear” her. There is a BIG difference between hearing words…some of the words…between distractions, which we yellows are so inordinately prone to, and LISTENING FOR UNDERSTANDING.
So, here is what I did, and still do on occasion.
I turn off the TV, sit down, face my wife, and put my hands over the tops of my eyes, as if shielding them from the sun. Now I have my blinders on. I purposely shut off the outside world, both sights and sounds so that I can focus my attention on what my wife is truly saying.
Some of you blues who are reading may be thinking “this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!” Before you wander off too far down that trail,, you should understand that my blue wife knows I am yellow…self-centered…and easily distracted. She knows that I am learning about the needs and wants of blues. She is my partner in my personal growth process. She knows I sincerely want to do better to meet her needs. So…although she smiles at my technique initially, she quickly realizes that it is working…for both of us!
Weeks and months have gone by. I have continued to “do my work” of becoming a good listener. I seldom need my blinders nowdays, however I DO squint my eyes to remind myself to pay good attention when she is sharing her thoughts and feelings with me. I do get an occasional “stay with me” from her when she knows I am struggling. To her credit, she is doing her work by shortening her stories a bit, out of respect and understanding of my core color.
Do your work. Serve each other’s needs and wants. Remember…it’s NOT all about you!
And all the Blues and Whites said,…”Amen”.
And all the Reds and Yellows said…Ugh!
Big mistake.
“It’s OK honey, maybe we can talk later. You go ahead and watch your TV show”.
Not good.
“You just blew it yellow”, I tell myself.
“You sure did, Mr. Self-Centered”, myself replies.
You see, there is NO WAY for me to understand my blue wife without taking the time to listen to her. Note: I did not say “hear” her. There is a BIG difference between hearing words…some of the words…between distractions, which we yellows are so inordinately prone to, and LISTENING FOR UNDERSTANDING.
So, here is what I did, and still do on occasion.
I turn off the TV, sit down, face my wife, and put my hands over the tops of my eyes, as if shielding them from the sun. Now I have my blinders on. I purposely shut off the outside world, both sights and sounds so that I can focus my attention on what my wife is truly saying.
Some of you blues who are reading may be thinking “this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!” Before you wander off too far down that trail,, you should understand that my blue wife knows I am yellow…self-centered…and easily distracted. She knows that I am learning about the needs and wants of blues. She is my partner in my personal growth process. She knows I sincerely want to do better to meet her needs. So…although she smiles at my technique initially, she quickly realizes that it is working…for both of us!
Weeks and months have gone by. I have continued to “do my work” of becoming a good listener. I seldom need my blinders nowdays, however I DO squint my eyes to remind myself to pay good attention when she is sharing her thoughts and feelings with me. I do get an occasional “stay with me” from her when she knows I am struggling. To her credit, she is doing her work by shortening her stories a bit, out of respect and understanding of my core color.
Do your work. Serve each other’s needs and wants. Remember…it’s NOT all about you!
And all the Blues and Whites said,…”Amen”.
And all the Reds and Yellows said…Ugh!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
BLUE WIFE
I am a BLUE wife and grandmother with lots to do, errands to run and details to take care of. It seemed I spent half my life waiting for my husband. Many times I wanted to scream "Hurry" but learning my husband is an "easy going WHITE" has helped me to wait faster.
Friday, June 20, 2008
One Little Nut!
Motive Matters, a lot!
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. The main drive belt on my Kubota lawn tractor broke. UGH!
Armed with my hodgepodge assortment of tools, not a one in it’s proper place, I took a deep breath and crawled under the tractor to see what I was up against.
To my dismay, it became apparent that the belly mower would need to come off and be taken out from under the tractor, in order to remove the belt. My mind raced back to the day, 8 years ago, when I purchased the bright, shiny, orange tractor. I distinctly remember the salesman telling me the wonderful benefits of having a “Quick Disconnect” belly mower! Quick…maybe…if you are a certified Kubota mechanic….or GOD!
An hour and a half later my “Quick Disconnect” belly mower was out of the way. As I prepared to remove the belt, it became obvious that one little nut, holding a pulley in place, would need to be removed to install the new belt. “NO PROBLEM”, I said to myself. I reached for my trusty ratchet, lucked out and found the right size socket, popped it into place, rolled over on my back, and slid under the tractor for this fairly simple removal of one little nut.
You are right. It resisted my effort.
“NO PROBLEM. I’ll get my hammer”. After sliding out, getting to my feet, and taking note of the various and sundry pains that were coursing their way through parts of my body I didn’t know existed, I again returned to the object of my “FIXation”, one little nut!
Bang! Bang! Bang! “Hmmmm”. BANG! BANG! BANG! BREAK!
“Got it! Success! It moved. I did it! That's the way to be determined and persevere!”
I put down the hammer and took hold of the ratchet to remove the nut. “What?” I then discovered that what had moved…was the little gears inside the ratchet. Ratches are not engineered to be beat on by hammers, evidently.
"Cheap, no good ratchet!"
“NO PROBLEM, I’ve got another ratchet around here,…“somewhere”.
After repeating the BANG! BANG! BANG! BREAK! process two more times, destroying two more perfectly good ratchets with amazing precision, the thought crossed my mind, “my way is not working so good”. So, I decided to seek some advice from someone more knowledgeable in the affairs of removing one little nut.
The friendly man at our local hardware store provided the knowledge and coaching I needed, and for $12.86, I headed back to my one little nut, armed with what he said was “THE RIGHT TOOL”, to get the job done. It was what is called a 30 inch breaker bar. (For those of you who are tool challenged like me, this is a large, long handle that allows you to get leverage on things…like nuts.)
Again, I crawled under “da owanch twacto”, as my grandchildren call it. I took a deep breath, carefully placed the socket over the nut…….and steeled myself for a mighty push.
To my shock…and amazement…I had hardly began to apply force at all, when the little nut humbled itself… and freely let loose it’s grip on the bolt holding the pulley in place.
For the next few minutes, I lay on my back, sweat dripping, looking like a homeless person needing a shower, unshaven face splattered with grass clippings and dirt clods from the BANG, BANG, BANGING, 30 inch $12.86 breaker bar lying across my chest, staring up at the filthy underbelly of a lawn tractor, pondering the deeper life lesson I had just learned.
Sometimes in life, we all need someone else. Maybe we aren't meant to do life alone.
Sometimes we need someone else, with a little knowledge, and the right tool. We can greatly benefit from all these, IF, and WHEN, we have the humility to admit that our way is not working and we need a little help.
Motive training and The Color Code is a lot like that. At the 25 year mark of our marriage, we were banging on our ratchets trying to fix the nut we just happened to be married to. The understanding of MOTIVE, and what drives me and my wife, at the core, helped us to leverage our strengths, to begin to remove the obstacles to a successful relationship. Note: I said remove the obstacles, not the relationship itself. Tragically, to often, our culture and our society today is practicing “throw away” marriage. If something is broken in the marriage, just throw it away and get a new one. This is expensive, and a tremendous waste of family, history, and resources. (There are times when removing from the relationship is the best thing, such as when there is abuse.)
Effort will always be required. But with the power of knowledge, and the right tool, effort can be efficiently applied with a successful result. I often tell struggling couples who are wondering if Color Code will help, “If your way is working, stick with it!”. “If it is not, perhaps we can give you some knowledge and provide you with the right tool that will help”. The same principle applies to professional relationships in the corporate world in which we train.
Tammy and I do our Color Code work everyday. We are both married to a human who can be sort of “nutty” at times. But with God’s help and the right tool, we are able to create great relationships. And as you know….Life is all about relationships!
Armed with my hodgepodge assortment of tools, not a one in it’s proper place, I took a deep breath and crawled under the tractor to see what I was up against.
To my dismay, it became apparent that the belly mower would need to come off and be taken out from under the tractor, in order to remove the belt. My mind raced back to the day, 8 years ago, when I purchased the bright, shiny, orange tractor. I distinctly remember the salesman telling me the wonderful benefits of having a “Quick Disconnect” belly mower! Quick…maybe…if you are a certified Kubota mechanic….or GOD!
An hour and a half later my “Quick Disconnect” belly mower was out of the way. As I prepared to remove the belt, it became obvious that one little nut, holding a pulley in place, would need to be removed to install the new belt. “NO PROBLEM”, I said to myself. I reached for my trusty ratchet, lucked out and found the right size socket, popped it into place, rolled over on my back, and slid under the tractor for this fairly simple removal of one little nut.
You are right. It resisted my effort.
“NO PROBLEM. I’ll get my hammer”. After sliding out, getting to my feet, and taking note of the various and sundry pains that were coursing their way through parts of my body I didn’t know existed, I again returned to the object of my “FIXation”, one little nut!
Bang! Bang! Bang! “Hmmmm”. BANG! BANG! BANG! BREAK!
“Got it! Success! It moved. I did it! That's the way to be determined and persevere!”
I put down the hammer and took hold of the ratchet to remove the nut. “What?” I then discovered that what had moved…was the little gears inside the ratchet. Ratches are not engineered to be beat on by hammers, evidently.
"Cheap, no good ratchet!"
“NO PROBLEM, I’ve got another ratchet around here,…“somewhere”.
After repeating the BANG! BANG! BANG! BREAK! process two more times, destroying two more perfectly good ratchets with amazing precision, the thought crossed my mind, “my way is not working so good”. So, I decided to seek some advice from someone more knowledgeable in the affairs of removing one little nut.
The friendly man at our local hardware store provided the knowledge and coaching I needed, and for $12.86, I headed back to my one little nut, armed with what he said was “THE RIGHT TOOL”, to get the job done. It was what is called a 30 inch breaker bar. (For those of you who are tool challenged like me, this is a large, long handle that allows you to get leverage on things…like nuts.)
Again, I crawled under “da owanch twacto”, as my grandchildren call it. I took a deep breath, carefully placed the socket over the nut…….and steeled myself for a mighty push.
To my shock…and amazement…I had hardly began to apply force at all, when the little nut humbled itself… and freely let loose it’s grip on the bolt holding the pulley in place.
For the next few minutes, I lay on my back, sweat dripping, looking like a homeless person needing a shower, unshaven face splattered with grass clippings and dirt clods from the BANG, BANG, BANGING, 30 inch $12.86 breaker bar lying across my chest, staring up at the filthy underbelly of a lawn tractor, pondering the deeper life lesson I had just learned.
Sometimes in life, we all need someone else. Maybe we aren't meant to do life alone.
Sometimes we need someone else, with a little knowledge, and the right tool. We can greatly benefit from all these, IF, and WHEN, we have the humility to admit that our way is not working and we need a little help.
Motive training and The Color Code is a lot like that. At the 25 year mark of our marriage, we were banging on our ratchets trying to fix the nut we just happened to be married to. The understanding of MOTIVE, and what drives me and my wife, at the core, helped us to leverage our strengths, to begin to remove the obstacles to a successful relationship. Note: I said remove the obstacles, not the relationship itself. Tragically, to often, our culture and our society today is practicing “throw away” marriage. If something is broken in the marriage, just throw it away and get a new one. This is expensive, and a tremendous waste of family, history, and resources. (There are times when removing from the relationship is the best thing, such as when there is abuse.)
Effort will always be required. But with the power of knowledge, and the right tool, effort can be efficiently applied with a successful result. I often tell struggling couples who are wondering if Color Code will help, “If your way is working, stick with it!”. “If it is not, perhaps we can give you some knowledge and provide you with the right tool that will help”. The same principle applies to professional relationships in the corporate world in which we train.
Tammy and I do our Color Code work everyday. We are both married to a human who can be sort of “nutty” at times. But with God’s help and the right tool, we are able to create great relationships. And as you know….Life is all about relationships!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
COLOR CODE Moment from a RED mom!
"But Mom, you're a RED! You think you have to control everything!" Tearful words coming from my beautiful, sixteen year-old BLUE/WHITE daughter as she attempted, between sobs, to explain why it was so important that I trust and believe in HER instincts. A year ago, before Color Code, my response would not have been, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'll try harder honey." Difficult words for a RED, motivated by power and who likes to be right all the time. Thankfully, Color Code has allowed me to look at the relationships with my family and friends through new lenses. Because of Color Code, I am able to embrace our differences and see and cherish the uniqueness of each of us. This journey into self-awareness and acceptance has not always been easy. Some days I take two steps forward and three steps backwards. But, when I look at the smile on my teenager's face, the tears all gone, and all is right with the world, I know this journey is worth it!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
My new name...Rrrandad
Hi dear friends,
Where do I begin? Writing my first entry on our blog about MOTIVE, and why it matters to me…
"Rrrraanndad!!!!" That is the exclamation that shreeks from my 2 year old white (motivated by peace) granddaughter Addy, the moment her eyes get fixed on me. So that is my new name, Randad!
My four year old granddaughter Ari, who I am becoming quite sure is a blue (motivated by intimacy, an emotional connection of the heart), knows my real name, but shouts it with the same flair and enthusiasm…Grandad!
I am a yellow, motivated by fun. But for all my life, the fun I sought, was fun that was all about me. Fun, as I define it…on my terms…my time frame. So giving attention to my own children as they grew up had to fit in sometime between work at my business, followed by the evening news, then Bill O’Reilly, or whatever else I wanted to do. Motive training is teaching me to destroy, bit by bit, the number one enemy of relationships…SELFISHNESS. I suppose I will spend the rest of my life in this battle, but I am winning in life more than I used to. Remember the game of life is like scoring runs in baseball. (Playing Life to Win-Dr. Taylor Hartman, soon to be released!) 1st Base-Get Yourself, 2nd Base-Get Truth, 3rd Base-Get over yourself, Home Plate-Get others.
What this looks like with my granddaughters is something like this:
Ari- “Grandad, want to go play school and I’ll be the teacher?”
Me- (I’m watching Hannity and Combs…and it is a very interesting interview about the race for the presidency) “Sure! Let’s go!”
Or, it may look like this, as it did two nights ago:
I am going to feed the dogs…for me, a chance to escape for a few moments by myself, which I enjoy. Instead…to my granddaughters I say;
Me- “Wanna go with me to feed the doggies?”
Ari and Addy- “Yeah!!!”
I let them scoop the food into the bowls. Evidently, this is a task of monumental importance, because I watch as they do it with such seriousness and a feeling of great accomplishment. Then the thought crosses my mind…
Me- “Wanna go for a night-time tractor ride?”
Ari and Addy-“Yeah!!!”
They hop onto my lap, each one squeezing one of Randad’s arms, as I fire up the old green John Deere, turn on the lights, and the three of us begin our adventure into the back yard with Cheyenne (my German Shepherd) and Nugget (my dear blue mut) close by our side…anxiously waiting for the bugs that will fly into the air, be illuminated by the lights of the tractor and try with all their might to escape the snapping jaws of playful dogs. Our adventure takes us amidst the old pine trees where Ari beckons me to let her pick off a pine cone. And then begins the endless questions and answers about what a pine cone is, what it is for, and how a big beautiful pine tree grows to be in the first place. We stop, in the dark...turn off the old engine and look up into the star filled sky. "Rrandad, da Moooon!" Addy announces. "God made The Moon, Grandad", Ari says, as she replays for me her lessons from Sunday School. "Wooowww! He is sooooooo smart"! I reply.
After a few more laps around the house, at their request, I let Ari turn the key of the old tractor to off. "Well girls, that sure was fun". "Yeah, Rrandad, daasfun"!, Addy says as she makes her way from the high altitude of my lap to the safety of solid ground.
In 9 days the game of life will continue, but with different players. It will be Buddy, Bubba, and Buster (Nate, Eli, and Sam), my grandsons! They are coming all the way from Brownsville Texas. Most people think they are coming for a vacation with their Mom, my beautiful blue Emily, but God, and I know the truth. They are coming for a nightime tractor ride with Grandadad. (That is my name, given by Nate, when he was 2.)
Know why I love The Color Code and why motive matters to me? Because it has helped me to learn how to CREATE a relationship with my grandchildren. They LOVE Rrandad and Grandadad! That’s me! And I am learning how to love them, by making my life about them.
In the game of life, I have scored a run! I have crossed home plate for the team.
Life…it is all about relationships!
Where do I begin? Writing my first entry on our blog about MOTIVE, and why it matters to me…
"Rrrraanndad!!!!" That is the exclamation that shreeks from my 2 year old white (motivated by peace) granddaughter Addy, the moment her eyes get fixed on me. So that is my new name, Randad!
My four year old granddaughter Ari, who I am becoming quite sure is a blue (motivated by intimacy, an emotional connection of the heart), knows my real name, but shouts it with the same flair and enthusiasm…Grandad!
I am a yellow, motivated by fun. But for all my life, the fun I sought, was fun that was all about me. Fun, as I define it…on my terms…my time frame. So giving attention to my own children as they grew up had to fit in sometime between work at my business, followed by the evening news, then Bill O’Reilly, or whatever else I wanted to do. Motive training is teaching me to destroy, bit by bit, the number one enemy of relationships…SELFISHNESS. I suppose I will spend the rest of my life in this battle, but I am winning in life more than I used to. Remember the game of life is like scoring runs in baseball. (Playing Life to Win-Dr. Taylor Hartman, soon to be released!) 1st Base-Get Yourself, 2nd Base-Get Truth, 3rd Base-Get over yourself, Home Plate-Get others.
What this looks like with my granddaughters is something like this:
Ari- “Grandad, want to go play school and I’ll be the teacher?”
Me- (I’m watching Hannity and Combs…and it is a very interesting interview about the race for the presidency) “Sure! Let’s go!”
Or, it may look like this, as it did two nights ago:
I am going to feed the dogs…for me, a chance to escape for a few moments by myself, which I enjoy. Instead…to my granddaughters I say;
Me- “Wanna go with me to feed the doggies?”
Ari and Addy- “Yeah!!!”
I let them scoop the food into the bowls. Evidently, this is a task of monumental importance, because I watch as they do it with such seriousness and a feeling of great accomplishment. Then the thought crosses my mind…
Me- “Wanna go for a night-time tractor ride?”
Ari and Addy-“Yeah!!!”
They hop onto my lap, each one squeezing one of Randad’s arms, as I fire up the old green John Deere, turn on the lights, and the three of us begin our adventure into the back yard with Cheyenne (my German Shepherd) and Nugget (my dear blue mut) close by our side…anxiously waiting for the bugs that will fly into the air, be illuminated by the lights of the tractor and try with all their might to escape the snapping jaws of playful dogs. Our adventure takes us amidst the old pine trees where Ari beckons me to let her pick off a pine cone. And then begins the endless questions and answers about what a pine cone is, what it is for, and how a big beautiful pine tree grows to be in the first place. We stop, in the dark...turn off the old engine and look up into the star filled sky. "Rrandad, da Moooon!" Addy announces. "God made The Moon, Grandad", Ari says, as she replays for me her lessons from Sunday School. "Wooowww! He is sooooooo smart"! I reply.
After a few more laps around the house, at their request, I let Ari turn the key of the old tractor to off. "Well girls, that sure was fun". "Yeah, Rrandad, daasfun"!, Addy says as she makes her way from the high altitude of my lap to the safety of solid ground.
In 9 days the game of life will continue, but with different players. It will be Buddy, Bubba, and Buster (Nate, Eli, and Sam), my grandsons! They are coming all the way from Brownsville Texas. Most people think they are coming for a vacation with their Mom, my beautiful blue Emily, but God, and I know the truth. They are coming for a nightime tractor ride with Grandadad. (That is my name, given by Nate, when he was 2.)
Know why I love The Color Code and why motive matters to me? Because it has helped me to learn how to CREATE a relationship with my grandchildren. They LOVE Rrandad and Grandadad! That’s me! And I am learning how to love them, by making my life about them.
In the game of life, I have scored a run! I have crossed home plate for the team.
Life…it is all about relationships!
MOTIVE MATTERS!
For years, people have tried to explain our personalities based on WHAT we do….behavior. THE PEOPLE CODE, by Dr. Taylor Hartman, identifies the true wonder of MOTIVE. Personality, based on MOTIVE, is far more insightful. Once you have an accurate reading of a person’s core personality, anchored by MOTIVE, you will always know who they are, how to create a positive relationship with them, and what action or reaction you can most likely expect from them. As you begin life with a new understanding of MOTIVE, you will never see yourself or others the same again! Let the journey begin....happy life!
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