The SEVEN MOST IMPORTANT WORDS...

Here are the first two of the seven most important words you will ever speak in creating successful relationships. Part One - Van Benson, Motive Matters.com

"I'm sorry".

Perception is the mother of conflict. Many conflicts in relationships of all kinds stem from misunderstanding and lack of humility. Sometimes, even when we are perfectly right, we say things in a manner that causes people to become defensive or offended. It might be a tactless comment from a RED, or a self-righteous opinion of a BLUE, or sarcasm from a yellow, or the appearance of seeming ambivalent or uncaring from a WHITE. Sometimes the way the say something carries far more weight in relationships than what we actually said.
The very word relationship means people are involved. And, wherever people are, there will be found...egos, insecurities, and feelings. I'm not saying compromise your core values or principles. I am saying it is imperative to understand the core motive of others and how that core motive "colors" how others perceive what we say at times. Charactered people take 100% responsibility for not only WHAT they say, but also HOW it is...or was...said.
Being able to take the other person's perspective, and understand how WHAT we said made them FEEL, is critical in maintaining mutually respectful relationships.
Humble people are much more likely to be able to say, "I'm sorry". Humble people are the ones who are able to embrace both their strengths and their limitations with compassion. This allows them the gift of knowing, "I am not perfect".
Dr. Taylor hartman writes in his new book, Playing Life to Win, "Humble people value themselves enough to admit their faults and their insecurities".
Humility allows you the personal power to say, "I'm sorry", and mean it.

And, while we are here, may I make a strong recommendation that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE...IF...you are brave enough...and secure enough, to do it?

GET RID OF THE "BUTS".

The word "BUT" is a synonym for "I didn't really mean I'm sorry". "I wish to continue the hostility between us with further justification for MY position".

At a recent relationship retreat for couples, I had all the participants write the letters B U T on a note card. Everyone formed a line, and each person, one at a time, would step forward, look me in the eye, and say, "I'm sorry", and then toss the "B U T card" away, like the rubbish of defensiveness and insecurity it represents. It was a rather simplistic excercise, but I know from my own experience, that when Tammy and I are discussing an area of conflict, which we still do by the way, we cannot say "but" without thinking of our friends and those silly "B-U-T Cards".

Dr. Hartman's books, "The People Code", "Color Your Future", and "Playing Life to Win", all remind us that the first gift we need for the journey of life is humility. Humble people are powerful people. Powerful people learn to say..."I'm sorry".

The Test of Nobility

The true test of nobility is to choose to become better than you used to be.

The greatest joy of leadership, and the essense that lies at it's core meaning, is helping other people become better than they used to be.