I like this column by Cal Thomas

Well said by Cal Thomas. www.calthomas.com

The Voice Claims Another Victim

By Cal Thomas

The first thing that should be acknowledged about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s admission to an extramarital affair is that it could happen to any of us. That is not an excuse (and no, it has not happened to me, or to my wife). Every married person has heard the voice; the one that says you deserve something “better.”

Gov. Sanford should have been familiar with the voice because of the Bible studies he attended. The voice began seducing humanity a long time ago. It told our first parents that they needed more than the perfection of Eden. The voice told them that God knew that if they ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil they would be like God. But they already were like God, because they were made in His image.

Stick with me you secularists and non-literalists, because there is a point to be made for you, too.

Psychiatrists explain that married people tire of one another after 10 or 20 years (it used to be seven years, as in that Marilyn Monroe/Tom Ewell film “The Seven Year Itch.” Must be inflation.). Good marriages are the result of hard work. Forsaking all others is more than a wedding promise. It is a daily denial of one’s lower instincts. Temptation is everywhere. The key to overcoming it is to realize you are fighting an adversarial force that wants to destroy you, embarrass you and cause ridicule to be heaped on the God you claim to worship.

One can make excuses about power and loneliness and starting out as a friendship that develops into something else, as Gov. Sanford rambled on about, but one can’t explain adultery. It is what it is and the person who commits it should be calling on God for mercy, not the voters for understanding.

I once asked evangelist Billy Graham if he experienced temptations of the flesh when he was young. He said, “of course.” How did he deal with them? With passion he responded, “I asked God to strike me dead before He ever allowed me to dishonor Him in that way.” That is the kind of seriousness one needs to overcome the temptations of a corrupt culture in which shameful behavior is too often paraded in the streets.

There was a time when a divorce would disqualify someone from public office. Now people admit affairs and expect to stay in office. “It’s just sex,” said defenders of Bill Clinton. One might as well say, “it was just a gun” that killed my spouse. Adultery wounds in ways a bullet cannot. One can potentially heal from a bullet wound, but a shot to the soul and to the trust that must be central to any marriage is nearly impossible to repair. The wounded spouse always wonders, “Will he/she do it again?”

A relationship most promise to venerate “until death us do part” is damaged by adultery, whether it’s a TV evangelist, a politician or a regular Joe who violates the marriage bed. In fact, we rarely even use the word “adultery” anymore because it sounds so, uh, biblical, and those teachings and commands long ago fell out of fashion, though they work for those who embrace them.

Any man who claims never to have had thoughts of straying is a liar. Any man who has sought the help of God and other men in helping him to honor his marriage promises to his wife and children is a hero, especially in today’s morally exhausted culture.

I miss Paul Harvey and his acknowledgement of those who had been married 50, 60, even 70 years. Those people are my role models. I’m sure they heard the voice, too, but they told it to get lost and it did. Pushing against weights builds up the body, pushing against the voice builds up the soul and improves a marriage. You can never take a marriage — or the voice — for granted; it’s always on the prowl looking for new people to destroy.


Van - One thing I would add to Cal's excellent column: Kudos to the governor's wife for maintaining a willingness to seek restoration of the marriage relationship and extend forgiveness, in a spirit of christian love. Rebuilding trust takes time and hard work, but there are many couples who have done their work, repaired their connection, and are reaping the rewards of enjoying the life-long relationship called marriage. They serve as heroes to their children and all the rest of us.

Forgive...and Live Again - Motive Matters Van Benson

Forgiveness: To stop the blame and grant pardon

No matter how innocent our intentions, how competent we are in relationship skills, there will always be conflict, born of misunderstanding, and ill conceived perceptions of the motives and actions of others. WHEN you get stuck in relationship difficulties, give yourself a little time to calm the emotions and then consider the healing power of forgiveness. A conscious decision to stop the blame and grant pardon.

Consider these selected quotations on the subject and then get ready for a moving video about a daughter extending forgiveness to a man who killed her father. Choosing to forgive someone is rarely easy or quick. Forgiving a friend or family member is often more difficult than forgiving an enemy. When we forgive, we can breath again, and so can the offending party. Forgiveness is a beautiful, freeing, gift we give to others, and to ourselves.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."

MOHANDAS K. GANDHI:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

THICH NHAT HANH:
"The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions."

Motive Matters Highlight Video - 20 mins

Our work through Motive Matters and The Color Code has given us the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people in many different venues.... from individuals and families wanting to strength their relationships to corporate management and production teams, to faith based marriage retreats, to professional development workshops for teachers, and relationship training for High School students.

We consider it a great privilege to partner with the Miami Tribe of Oklahoma, and the Administration for Native Americans, promoting the value of healthy marriages and strong relationships through the President's Healthy Marriage Initiative.

As part of our 3 year program, we will be sending a DVD of this video to each tribal household of the Miami Nation.

A special thank you to Greg Fish of www.fishxpressions.com and Gary Ohmart of www.ovcinc.com for your assistance and contributions to this video. Nice job!

What Got into YoU? by Van Benson

I just want to say a hearty "Thank you" to the outstanding staff of Color Code International.
Thank you Lan, Jeremy, Lindsay, Matthew, and of course, Dr. Taylor Hartman, Author of The Color/People Code. You guys are awesome and we at Motive Matters love you and respect you for all you do to help us accomplish our mission.

The more we train the principles of The Color Code, the more we appreciate the author's genius of revealing the needs and wants of the four Colors.

Your individual needs and wants will usually come from your primary and secondary colors. The "needs and wants" portion of The People Code represents our "Roadmap" to serving others, speaking their "color" language, and creating, and sustaining, successful relationships. When you are consistently serving another person's needs and wants, it is difficult...very difficult, for a good relationship NOT to evolve and grow.

Here they are for you to consider:

RED - Needs to look good technically, intellectually, academically
Needs to be right
Needs to be respected (treat them as if they are important...they are!)
Needs to attain the approval of a select few
Wants to hide insecurities
Wants to produce
Wants leadership position
Wants to experience challenging adventure

BLUE - Needs to be good morally
Needs to be understood
Needs to be appreciated
Needs to be accepted
Wants to reveal insecurities
Wants to be autonomous (self-governing)
Wants to attain quality
Wants to have security

WHITE - Needs to feel good (inside...peaceful and tranquil)
Needs to be allowed their own space (smart, reclusive thinkers)
Needs to be respected (treated like they are important...they are!)
Needs to be tolerated
Want to withhold insecurities
Wants to receive kindness
Wants to maintain independence
Wants to feel contented

YELLOW - Needs to look good (socially)
Needs to be noticed
Needs to be praised
Needs approval of the masses
Wants to hide insecurites
Wants to achieve happiness
Wants freedom
Wants playful adventure

What is the Core Color (Motive) of the person you need to improve a relationship with?
REDS are motivated by POWER, moving from A to B and being productive
BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, a deep, personal connection of the heart
WHITES are motivated by PEACE, inner tranquility amidst the chaos and noise of life
YELLOWS are motivated by FUN, living life fully engaged in the moment...enjoying it now

Think about THEIR needs and wants...not your own...and consider deciding to SERVE their needs and wants in genuine and creative ways. Motive Matters is a process, not an event. Don't expect a quick fix band aid. Over time, and it's usually quicker than you think, you will see a change for the better in the relationship. The other person will probably be wondering "what got into you?"

The answer is really pretty simple: Love.